


To heal a mind

by eib_kom_slakgedakru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: BDSM, But still consent, Collars, Dubious Consent, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Praise Kink, Self-Harm, Smut, So much smut, Spanking, i need holy water
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:45:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13905267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eib_kom_slakgedakru/pseuds/eib_kom_slakgedakru
Summary: Clarke's in a very dark place.  Lexa is going to try her best to bring her out of it. And things are gonna smutty. Like "holy water burns me" smutty.





	1. In the woods

 

    Water.  There’s water everywhere today, soaking into her clothes, plastering her hair to her face.  Obscuring the tracks of the deer that she’s been tracking for the while, while she resolutely ignores the grumbling and rumbling from her midsection.  After a bit more time, it becomes obvious to the hunter that nothing will be caught unless it wanders into her sight.  With a sigh, the hunter turns and begins the journey back to her camp, and the prospect of some dry clothes.  A rustle in the bushes to her left has her wheeling with an arrow knocked, eyes wide.  

    “ _Chon yu bilaik”_ ?, she asks, in a voice rusty with disuse.  She cringes at hearing her own voice, having grown used to her silence.  She used to talk to herself when she first came to these woods, just ahead of those that pursued her.  That eventually stopped when her conversation began to scare her.  She spoke with that girl at the trading post…what was her name? Niylah, that was it.  But that was….a quick calculation and the hunter realized that it has been 2 weeks since she had seen or spoken to a single human person.  Another rustle in the bushes has her taking two steps back, prepared for anything to come charging out at her.  “ _Ai don as yu prom op!! Ai nou na as yu op nodotaim!!”_ There is no answer.

    The bushes behind her rustle, and the hunter back up further down the path, trying to keep both sides of the path in her field of vision.  Suddenly, the hunter hears the giggling of a child from one side, followed a rustle of bushes closer to where she is standing.  Looking carefully, the hunter can see a childs face hidden in the foliage.  This face is horrifically burned, oozing sores cover its forehead, and one of its eyes is covered in a white film.  These injuries don’t seem to hinder it at all, as it smiles, opens its mouth and begins to giggle.  The bushes on the other side rustle, and a hand, equally burned and disfigured, inches out of the bushes.  The hunters nerve breaks, and she turns and flees.

She arrives at her campsite sweating, shaken, panting like she just ran ten miles instead of one.  Seeing the sparse but well ordered camp helps calm her mind.  Rationally, she knows, _knows,_ that there is no way for the dead to attack her.  “The dead are gone, and the living are hungry”, a voice whispers in her mind.  But that doesn’t stop her from fearfully scanning the trees, expecting a charred corpse to step out and lunge at her.  The wind rustles, water falling on her head from the trees above, but nothing else appears.  When nothing moves that is out of the ordinary, she rubs her eyes, convinced that that she was daydreaming.  She takes a deep breath, and trudges in a different direction, hoping to hunt down something, anything, so she can stay longer out here in the wilds.  Away from others, and away from her past.  Here, none of the animals care what she’s done to survive.  They are trying to survive, just like her.

    Two hours has netted her one squirrel, and she skins and cleans it in front of a small fire.  She sets aside the pelt and tail, debating what she should trade itr for.  Cutting up the meat, she adds it to the small pot that hangs over the fire, along with some wild greens that she found growing near her camp.  Stirring the bubbling stew, she sits back under her lean to, and closes her eyes for a moment.  Her eyes snap open, something just doesn’t feel right to her.  Her hand inches to the short  knife on her hip, and she looks warily around her little camp.  Nothing appears out of the ordinary, and she couldn’t have been resting long since the stew hasn’t boiled yet.  She is still looking around, when the smell assails her nose, one that she recognizes immediately.  Burned flesh, clotted blood...a scent that features in her worst nightmares and sometimes chases her into the waking world.  The bushes in front of her rustle, and a form steps out.  A childs voice rings out a cheerful greeting.  “Hi, Clarke!!!”

              Clarke recoils as the child-like figure skips across clearing, humming an old song that Clarke recognizes as 'Ring around the Rosey’.  The little girl, and Clarke recognizes her as Emily, plops to the ground with the utterance of,   _“Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down_ ” .  Blisters that opened festoon her face,and strips of skin are missing from her arms, but seem to cause no pain.   She looks at Clarke clutching the knife, and she giggles, covering her mouth with a burned and bloody hand.  “Oh silly, you know that's not going to hurt me.  You can't hurt me anymore, you killed me already.”

             Clarke releases the hilt of the knife, only to use that hand to cover her mouth. Tears streaming down her face, she starts rocking back and forth.  If there was physically anyone else there with ears to hear, they would have heard Clarke muttering “It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t me. it wasn’t my fault.”  The litany continued until Emily raised her hand.  Clarke screams and pushes back with her legs, ending up on her butt while raising her hands in front of her face.  After a minute, Clarkes hands drop and she looks fearfully across the fire, to see Emily calmly brushing her hair.  

              “Silly billy, if we wanted you dead we would have done it already!!  There are lots of us here, you know, and we were all very very mad at you.  But we're not mad anymore, Clarke. You remember us, you remember our names.  You looked at our faces as you stepped over our bodies when you left Mount Weather.  Well, WE are looking at YOU, and we want our revenge.  And we’re gonna have it, Clarke.   _Jus drein jus daun_.”  The sheer impossibility of a dead girls ghost speaking a language that she could never have even heard doesn’t even enter into Clarkes mind.  After all, when you’re confronted by the ghost of a kid you murdered 3 months ago, the term ‘impossible’ tends to lose all meaning.    

    “But….but  it wasnt my fault!!!!  I tried to stop him,  I did!!  It wasn’t my fault, he didn’t leave me any other choice.”  At this point, Clarke is hysterically gasping for breath, eyes rolling around, looking for an escape route.  Anything, to get her away from this walking reminder of the horror that she performed.  When the little girl starts giggling again, Clarke is taken aback.

    “You’re so silly, Clarke!!! We don’t want to kill **you.**  We want you to kill the Commander.  She’s the reason that you killed us, and you're going to help us. ”

              

 _Chon yu bilaik =_ Who are you?

 _Ai don as yu prom op!! Ai nou na as yu op nodotaim =_ I asked you a question!!! I won’t ask you again!!

 _Jus drein jus daun =_ Blood must have blood

 


	2. Let's go deeper

                 Clarke stares at her, tears almost forgotten.  “Kill….kill Lexa?”, she sputters. “There’s no way I can do that.  It’s impossible. Nobody can get close enough to her to do that. You’re asking me for something that I can’t do.”  

                 Emily stared, her smile slowly fading off of her face.  “Nothing is impossible, Clarke. They said that nobody could get into my home.  You did, and look at me now. You  **will** help us, or we’re gonna make you pay instead of her.  I’ve lottsa new friends, and most of them don’t like you.”  With that, Emily gets up and walks out of the camp. As she nears the trees, she turns her head around,  all the way around, like that horror movie that Clarke used to love watching on the Ark, and says “Your stew is burning.”  And with a smile on her face, she walks out of the clearing.

                Clarke doesn’t understand how she can see where she’s going with her head backwards??  The smell of the burning stew hits her nose, but she refuses to move. she merely kicks the tripod stand that holds the pot onto its side, watching her supper lay on the forest floor.  Drawing her knees up to her chin, she spends the rest of the night jumping at every rustle, until finally sleep claims her.

                When Clarke wakes, the sun is shining, and the birds are chirping.  She sits up, yawns, grimacing at the feel of the damp clothes that she fell asleep in last night.  Then she remembers the events of yesterday. She looks around fearfully, but nothing stirs in the clearing that is out of the ordinary.  Her fire is nothing but ashes at this point, the ground underneath the spilled pot dry. In fact, the spilled pot is the only evidence that anything unusual happened here at all.  She takes a deep breath, convinced that she was dreaming. “Just a nightmare”, she says out loud. She gets up and walks the hundred feet or so to the spot where she had dug a latrine pit.  When she’s done using it, she walks back to the camp, takes the cool pot and an empty waterskin, and begins to walk to the river. She chose this campsite because there’s a water source only about an hours walk away, which is pretty close by, to her way of thinking.  

                Standing on the bank, she kneels down and fills the waterskin, relishing the feel of the cool water running over her hands.  Cupping her hands, she brings some water up to her mouth, remembering the first time she had fresh water. It was right before Octavia had jumped into the river, and tangled with a water snake.  They had all been so naive, the original hundred members of  _ Skaikru, _ so enthralled with this new world.  So convinced that they were the only surviving members of the human race.  They had been so very wrong. She adds a handful of water to the wood ashes that she had left in the pot, and mixes it with her fingers to make a paste.  Some sand from the bank added makes it abrasive, and she scours the pot clean before dipping it back into the river to clean it.

               A flash of color ahead catches her eye, and she lifts her head.  Standing in the water about twenty feet ahead of her is Emily and another child.  The little boy, was his name Jacob, or Joshua? holds Emily by the hand and has his face buried in her filthy yellow dress.  Emily lifts her hand, points at Clarke, and takes a step forward. Clarke grabs the pot and runs. Making it back to the campsite, she hurriedly throws everything into her pack, and runs into the forest.  

              She stops running when she physically can’t run anymore,  Hands braced on her knees, gulping air in large shuddering breaths, she looks around.  No flashes of yellow, no giggling children can be heard. Tears stream down her face, and she looks around in a panic.  She's alone, she's sure of it. Pulling herself up against a wide tree, she pulls a short sword from a scabbard on the side of her pack.  She stands there, waiting for a pursuit that never comes. Slowly , her breathing evens out, her grip relaxes. She takes a deep breath, and starts looking for a new campsite.

              After setting up a new campsite, Clarke tried to return to her daily routine.    Isolation however, was beginning to take its toll on her. She was seeing Emily more and more often, and while the little girl hadn't physically attacked her, the constant fear and running has her on edge.  She switches campsites every time she sees them, trying to out run them.  She begins to constantly look around, flinching at every sudden noise. It doesn’t help that Emily and Joshua (she remembers his name during one sweat soaked nightmare) continually made appearances when she least expected it.  She had thought the worst was when Joshua had appeared behind her while she was trying to hunt a deer. His scream next to her ear made her jump, loosing her arrow into the bushes and scaring all the wildlife for at least a mile with her shriek.  Clarke remembers that it took over an hour for her heart to stop trying to beat out of her chest. She was wrong.

             But what happened this morning made her literally soil herself with fear.  She woke up to see Joshua leering into her face, his dead eyes inches away from hers and holding a knife.  Clarke literally couldn’t move, she was so scared. Had an pissed off Reaper showed up, she would have jumped into its arms and kissed it.  Clarke was frozen, whimpering, and she felt her bladder let go, warmth running down her leg. Joshua looked down with disgust, but then moved in a little closer, and pressed the cold metal of the knife to her face.  “Do it”, he hissed. “Help us, or else!!” And then he vanished, with no evidence of his ever being there. Clarke grabbed her face, but found no blood. That’s when she started sobbing hysterically.

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              Niylah was getting concerned about the red haired hunter girl who had come to the trading post again.  She had arrived at the trading post almost at dusk, and had been acting erratically, mumbling to herself and peering into every shadow.  The stench of urine hangs around her, and Niylah could swear that it got worse when Niylah touched the girl without warning. “ _ Yu na sad som op, gada _ ?”, she asked in a firm, but kind voice.  The girl had jumped back with a little scream, and had both hands up by her head, like she was scared of being touched.  When Niylah hadn’t moved, the girl mumbled an apology, grabbed a pair of pants and some socks, and threw four poorly cured squirrel pelts on the table as trade.  She then ran out as if chased by something. Niylah looked out the door at the fleeing girl, and then at the squirrel pelts. Shrugging, she grabs them, and tosses them into a pile of similar pelts.  Hoisting it, she puts the girl out of her mind and continues with her night.

              It changes after that.  Emily, and it’s always Emily, changes the focus.  It’s never Clarkes fault anymore, it’s Lexas fault.  Lexa did this to Clarke, Lexa is causing her to be tortured like this.  Her dreams keep her awake at night, and Emily is there during the day, not giving her a moments respite.  She begins to debate with them, lack of sleep and the constant whispers taking its toll on her mind. She doesn’t understand why Lexa would do this to her, would make her get tortured like this.  They had a moment, she thinks, a beautiful moment in her tent where Lexa kissed her. Lexa would never do this to her, Lexa cares about her. “But she left you at the door to Mount Weather”, Emily whispers from a branch above her head.  “She cared so much she left you standing there, and set you up for this.”

              “No, that’s….that's not true.”, whispers Clarke. “She had to take the deal, she needed to save her people-”  She gets interrupted by Emily, who pushes off the branch to land in front of her. Clarke doesn’t even notice that the child doesn’t disturb any of the dry leaves on the ground.

             “But she made a deal with you first, didn’t she?”  Emily gives a nasty smile, as she circles a tree. “She made a deal with you first, she shouldn’t have broken it.  Unless that was her plan the whole time.”

             “What do you mean, if that was her plan?  Of course it wasn’t, the plan was to open the door, and free our people.”  Anyone standing there would have seen a red haired girl, disheveled and dirty, arguing with a tree, and apparently losing.  “If Wallace hadn’t offered her that deal, she would have walked into the Mountain with me.”

              “Really, Clarke?  If I recall correctly, your deal with Lexa was to free both of your trapped people.  She freed her people, and so she got what she wanted. And let’s be honest, this isn’t the first time that she let you do her dirty work.  Remember Finn? You did the deed instead of her, and you got to see him everywhere afterwards, didn’t you? This is just her again, letting you do her  killing and her avoiding the guilt.” Emily walks closer and closer to Clarke as she speaks, stopping when she’s a few inches into Clarkes space. “You know it’s true.  There’s a reason she was so calm all through the strategizing and even when you guys were standing there. She knew what would happen. And if you don’t go after her, you’re letting it happen to you.  You’re letting her win, Clarke.”

              “You’re lying!!!! Stop lying to me!!!”  Clarke falls to the ground, hands over her ears.  “STOP IT!!!!”, she screams. She flinches when a form crouches in front of her. 

              “But it’s true, Clarke”, the form says in a soft, kind voice.

               Clarkes eyes widen, and her mouth drops as she names the speaker.  “Maya?”

 

_ Skaikru _ = Sky People

_ Yu na sad som op, gada?  _ = You gonna pick something, girl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no smut yet, but it's coming, i promise!! if you wanna chat, or talk about my stories, drop me a message at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/houpkomslakgedakru


	3. Infiltrating Polis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is extra long, because i couldn't in good conscience stop it in the middle. Feel free to leave me a comment, I'd love to know what you think.

         Maya looks better than she did in life, her pale skin now slightly tan, and her hair now a vibrant brown.  Her purple dress is clean, and her left hand cradles a small bundle. She smiles at Clarke, reaches her right hand out, and her smile fades as Clarke shrinks back.  “I’m not here to hurt you, Clarke. I just….I just want to help you do the right thing”, she says. Clarke just stares at her, uncomprehending. “Clarke, Lexa hurt all of us.  I’m here to help you, but I need you to help us first.” THe bundle that she’s holding shift slightly, but enough to catch Clarkes attention.

         “Is that….wait, there were no little babies in Mount Weather, we checked when all the….when it was cleared out.  It can’t be.” Clarkes tears, which had subsided start again. They intensify when Maya shifts the moving bundle to the other side, and Clarke can get a glimpse of rosy cheeks, and brown eyes.

         “Nobody knew about him but me, Clarke.”  Maya smiles tenderly at the baby, before covering him up again.  Sorrow fills her voice when she speaks again. “Jasper never knew that he was going to be a father.  Worse, he would have been the first of us able to leave Mount Weather. The first child born of Sky and Ground.  We could have ended this war without bloodshed, Clarke. Lexa took that from us, and she used you to do it. And now we can’t rest until you help us.  Please Clarke, help us. Help my son sleep.” Almost on cue, the baby begins to cry, his ear peircing wails taking up residence in Clarkes heart.

          Tears leak from Clarkes eyes, and mix with the drippings from her nose, but she doesn’t notice.  She makes no move to wipe her face, just sitting there and sobbing. She doesn’t move until Maya chokes out a broken “please Clarke”  that she moves. She screams, a shrill and piercing sound, and runs from the clearing, bouncing off a tree on the way out. Maya watches her go with a sad look, holding her crying infant.

          The baby won’t stop crying.  Clarke hears it everywhere. The few times it’s stopped it always presages a visit by Emily or Maya.  She still sees Joshua holding his knife, but he’s apparently content to watch her from the bushes. She can’t sleep with the baby crying.  She can’t sleep. She is fed by some snares that she had placed, but she can’t actually hunt. The crying distracts her, makes her ignore basic animal sign,  and makes her randomly start crying. She tries to skin the second rabbit she snared and cuts herself because her tears make her unable to see what she’s doing.

          She breaks on the third day of no sleep.  Maya just stands there, her grief palpable, doing nothing to soothe the baby.  Clarke clutches her ears, screaming for it to stop, begging Maya to help her, but the baby keeps on crying.  It doesn’t stop until she whispers “Ok, I’ll go.” The silence in her head is deafening, so loud that Clarke stumbles and falls to the ground.  she lands on her knees, and stays there, muttering, “I’ll go, I’ll go, please no more, please no more.” When she looks up, Maya is gone. 

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         Finding her way to Polis was easier than Clarke imagined.  She simply walked into the trading post with her latest catch, and after trading with Niylah for food, with two rabbit pelts left, she simply said,  “ _ Polis?” _

         Niylah pointed to the west, and said ,  _ “Taim yu strech au dawe thri sintaim kom nau, yu na ai Polis op.”  _

         Clarke thanked her and began walking, eager to get this over with.  Maya later appears from behind a tree and walks with her, occasionally singing to the baby, but otherwise not speaking.  After a few hours, Clarke begins    to speak to Maya, a long and rambling rant about Lexa and how Lexa shouldn’t have left her.  Maya says little, but nods and chimes in every so often. She makes camp when Maya tells her to, curling up next to the fire, falling asleep for the first time in days to the sound of Maya singing.  

         When she wakes, her small campsite is empty.  Clarke sits up and wipes her eyes, feeling better rested.  The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and there are no vengeful spirits lurking around.  clarke jumps to her feet, and begins looking for her pack. she spies it, sitting at the base of a tree.  Walking and bending over to get it, Clarke stumbles back and falls on her ass as a small body hits the ground inches away from where she had been standing.  Joshua crouches on the ground between Clarke and her pack, knife in hand, and smiles.

         “You wouldn’t be thinking of leaving us, Clarke, would you?”, he asks.  Whimpering, Clarke inches back from him while shaking her head. “Because you know that you can’t run from us, Clarke.  Try to run and I’ll find you and--” He’s cut off in mid sentence by Maya, who stands behind Clarke.

         “That’s enough, Joshua!!”, Maya yells.  “Clarke said that she would help us, and she’s going to do it.  You scaring and threatening her isn’t going to make it happen any faster. If she doesn’t, THEN you can do what you want to.  Now get out of here!!”

          Joshua retreats to the tree line, muttering and casting baleful looks at Clarke.  Maya looks down at Clarke, and offers her hand. “Regardless of what Joshua says, I believe in you, Clarke.  I know that you wouldn’t lie to me. It’s another two days to Polis, and I’m pretty sure you don’t feel like dealing with Joshua anymore.  So let’s keep going, and give him no reason to threaten you anymore. Ready to go?”

         The day passes uneventfully, as does the night, with only Maya walking with Clarke.  When she wakes, Emily is sitting there along with Maya, both of them whispering to each other.  Emily turns and sees Clarke awake, and taps Maya. Maya turns, and gives Clarke a huge smile. As they walk, Clarke notices that the forest thins out, and is replaced by fields of growing things, separated by low walls of rock and wood.  Far in the distance, Clarke can see a large building, which Maya tells her is the Tower of the Commander. Clarke turns to her and says, “You’ve never been out of Mount Weather until now, how would you know?”

        Maya smirks, and gives a small snort.  “You think that Jasper and Monty were the first people to break into the Presidents office?  I was doing it when I was thirteen years old, Clarke. I know more about the outside world than you think.  But enough talking, let’s start walking. We can talk when we are closer.” And with that Maya begins walking slightly faster.  Soon they begin to see farmers working the soil with rakes and hoes, each one looking up and assessing the young girl walking down the Polis road.  Some call out to her with friendly greetings, asking her her name and where she’s bound. 

       Clarke raises her hand in greeting and begins to answer when Maya hisses in her ear, “What are you doing??  One of them could be a spy for Lexa!!” When Clarke begins to protest, Maya shuts her down quickly. “We are NOT having this argument, Clarke!!!  Unless you want me to call Joshua back. is that what you want?”

       Clarke shakes her head, tears springing into her eyes.

       “I can’t hear you, Clarke.  What was that you said?” Maya has her face practically in Clarkes, close enough for Clarke to see the fine hairs on the top of her lip.  “Because I can get him, with just a snap of my fingers Want to see?” 

        Clarke visibly recoils, tears streaming down her face.  “Please, don’t do that. I’ll be good, I...I promise. I’ll listen to you, Maya.”  

       The farmer who had begun to walk over to check on this girl now hefted his rake a little higher, and in a defensive position.  The red haired stranger was talking to herself, crying and twitching. She turns and begins running towards polis, bag bouncing back and forth on her back.  Maybe she was one of those freed from The Mountain, the farmer thinks. If so, he reflects, no wonder she’s acting crazy. They all left a piece of themselves in that place.

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       Clarke spends the night in a dilapidated building just outside the city walls.  She thinks that it must have been used as a barn, judging from the hay and the animal droppings.  It doesn’t matter, all that matters to clarke is that it’s isolated, and she can rest here with no danger of discovery.  

       “Go to sleep, Clarke”, Emily says from the door.  A shaft of moonlight illuminates her for a second, then she disappears into darkness again.  “We’ll keep watch.” Sleep is a long time coming. Every snap of a twig, every brush of leaf is another Grounder about to discover her, or worse, Joshua.  When the sun rises, Clarke is quite sure that she’s only slept about twenty minutes.

          Entering the city is like walking into another world for Clarke.  The sights and the smells, they all overwhelm her senses and leave her reeling.  And the people!!! So many people, and from all the different Clans. Clarke tucks her arms in so she doesn’t accidentally touch anyone, and begins to walk through what must be a marketplace at the base of the big tower.  Everything is so loud and so noisy, Clarke isn’t sure where to turn first. One of the merchants motions her over to his stall, and begins to talk to her in rapid Trigedasleng. She gives a sad smile and puts her hand over her mouth in what she hopes will tell him that she’s mute.  He nods his head in understanding, and holds out a skewer of some dripping meat that he pulled from a pot of liquid behind him. Taking a tentative taste, Clarke opens her eyes wide and nearly moans in delight, flavors bursting on her tongue, She nods excitedly at the shopkeeper, who has a smile on her face, clearly happy that she’s enjoying his food.  He waves towards the rest of his stall, which she sees is covered in different types of food, some dried, some not. The shop owner then points to Clarkes bag and moves his hands back and forth in an unmistakable gesture of trade. 

          Clarke rummages through her bag, and is only able to come up with two rabbit skins.  After haggling with the merchant in signs and gestures, Clarke begins putting her purchases in her bag when she hears a scream , growing louder and louder.  Turning, she sees a person falling from the tower, hitting the ground with a very  **wet** thud.  She jumps, and almost knocks the merchant over.  He steadies her, and begins to speak to her again in Trigedasleng.  Clarke looks around, and sees that nobody else seems very concerned that another human being just died.  The merchant finishes with “ _ Heda ste pis. ” _

          Just then, Clarke sees motion from behind a pile of scrap and Maya walks out and stands next to Clarke.  “Turn around, Clarke, get a good look at the Commanders house. Lets just walk around, nice and slow, and see what we can see.”  As they walk, Clarke hears hushed whispers of  _ “Bandrona kom Azgeda”. _  Looking at the Tower, Clarke can see that the concrete is pitted and worn in numerous places, making for easy climbing.  Making a full circuit, she can see no easy entrance. Guards stand at the doorways, preventing all from entering. Clarke very quickly decides that if she’s going to get in there, it’s gonna have to be at night.  She decides to explore the city some more until night has fallen.

        Darkness has fallen, and with it the city sleeps.  It also means that Clarke has to make the climb in the dark.  She’s nervous, scared shitless even, but Maya and Emily reassure her.  Maya looks at her, and says “Look Clarke, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”  As she speaks, the clouds move away and the moon shines bright, illuminating the side of the tower.  Clarke takes a deep breath and begins to climb.

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        The climb isn’t as bad or as hard as Clarke feared it would be.  The moonlight shows her the path clearly clearly, and her time climbing trees in the forest has made her strong.  She pauses on the 4th floor, and takes a quick break. The streets are empty beneath her, stalls closed tightly with the awnings that were originally used to protect their wares from the rain.  Every so often 2 guards walk through, torches aloft as they patrol. Clarke waits for them to pass, then continues up 1 more floor. Not seeing or hearing anyone, she slips in through the open window, and walks into the room, attempting to make as little sound as possible.  The floor is covered with dirt and rubble, and cracks line the walls. A door at the far end leads into a hallway, one which shows sign of human traffic. There are lengths of fabric placed against the wall in another room, each emblazoned with the sigil of a Clan. An elevator shaft lies open, and Clarke hurries over to it.  Pulling out her prize possession, Clarke clicks the solar powered flashlight on and shines it down the shaft. She can see what looks like the top of a cart. She shines the light up, and can see an access ladder bolted to the wall. It’s rusted but sturdy, and Clarke realizes that it’s her best bet to get up the tower without being seen.  Inching her way on the wall of the shaft, she grabs the ladder, and begins to climb.

        After a few floors, Clarke begins to hear a baby crying.  She looks up, and Maya is standing in the open doorway of the next floor, holding her crying infant.  She attempts to rock him, but the baby keeps crying. she looks at Clarke with red rimmed eyes, and Clarke notices that Maya has lost her tan, and is now as pallid as she was in life.  “He’s tired, Clarke, so incredibly tired. We all are. Please, please hurry.” Clarke listens, and speeds up her climb. She notices rectangular openings at the top of each floor, and risks a quick look inside.  A metallic shaft festooned with cobwebs looks back at her, the cobwebs blowing in a slight breeze, and Clarke realizes that they are ventilation shafts for a long extinct heating system. Clarke begins to hear other signs of life: people talking to each other, the rustle of clothing.  She makes a snap judgement call, and reaches out, hauling herself into the nearest ventilation shaft. She’s not sure where it leads, but figures that it’s a shot worth taking. After inching soundlessly forwards and upwards for what feels like an eternity, she finds an old rusted grate, and looks through.

        She looks out over a large room, with a dais at the end, before a balcony.  There is a semicircle of chairs, and a throne that she would recognize anywhere.  This chair and it’s owner have fueled her dreams and nightmares equally for the last four months.  She looks from her vantage point, but the room is empty except for a few guttering candles scattered around the room.  The crying of a baby intensifies in her ears, and she squeezes her eyes shut, fighting back tears. It won’t end, and she opens her eyes, and begins inching her way forwards again.  

        She finds three other rooms, two of them empty, one occupied by a tall man with a shaved head.  Clarke watches as he kneels in front of a piece of fabric with a symbol in it, one that looks for all the world like a sideways 8.  Clarke watches for a few minutes, and then notices that his scalp is tattooed in rings, but she can’t make out with what symbols. By now the crying is almost deafening, drowning out any other sound.  She turns away and continues forward, unnoticed tears streaming down her cheeks. In the next room, she finds what she is looking for.

         She would know that this is Lexas room anywhere, just by the sheer number of candles everywhere.  It also  _ smells _ Like Lexa, a unique scent that she would never forget, especially since she was with Lexa in very very close quarters for weeks.  She reaches out and begins to work the grate out of the wall as quietly as she can, wincing as an edge catches her hand and digs a furrow in it.  Finally it’s out, and Clarke rotates it, and pulls it into the ventilation shaft with her, and sets it down. Turning, she slides her feet out of the shaft, dangling her legs before dropping to the floor.

         She’s in what looks like a washroom, dominated by a large metal bathtub that stands on raised feet.  Clarke can’t hear anything over the screams of the baby, but she tries to walk out of the room as noiselessly as possible, drawing her knife as she does so.  Maya stands against a wall with Emily and Joshua, watching her. Maya smiles, and points to the bed thats against the far wall. A mass of brown hair sticks out from under the furs, and Clarke starts moving towards the bed.  

         Suddenly, there’s a massive blow to her back, and she’s shoved forwards.  She tries to slash backwards, but something grabs her knife hand in an iron grip.  Before the world goes dark, she sees a pair of blazing green eyes.

 

_ Taim yu strech au thri sintaim kom nau yu na ai Polis op=  _ If you walk that way three days from here, you will see Polis.

_ Heda ste pis =  _ The Commander is angry.

_ Bandrona kom Azgeda =  _ Ambassador of Azgeda ( Ice Nation)


	4. Somebody got caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Trig translations are at the end. Thanks for reading, and drop me a comment if you like what you see.

                 Lexa stands over the unconscious assassin, her eyes focused on the washroom door, ears straining to hear any evidence of another assassin.  The person laying in her bed sits up, the shield that she was using to protect her body falling to the floor with a large clang. When her guards had come to her, saying that there were sounds coming from the air ducts, Lexa had quickly known that someone was trying to kill her.  They had tracked the noises, and Lexa had come up with the idea to wait and ambush for the assassin. Her handmaiden had waited in the bed to complete the illusion that Lexa was caught unawares. Lexa wrinkles her nose as the space around her is filled with the odor of the assassin, who has clearly not washed in weeks.  But there’s something underneath the dirt and sweat...Lexa can’t place it, but it’s familiar.

                 “ _ Azgeda?” _ , Enda asks.  her brown eyes look with disdain at the body of the assassin, almost affronted that such a shoddy attempt was made.  

                 Lexa shakes her head, thinking that this attempt was made too quickly after the death of their ambassador.  There would have been no time to plan an infiltration into her home, seeing as how she killed the ambassador this morning.

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**Earlier that day…**

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                The ambassador from Azgeda stands before her throne while the others kneel, a blatant show of disrespect.  Next to her, Titus bristles and stands up quickly. “ _ Azgeda na spek yo daun gon yo Heda” _ , he yells.  At the  _ Fleimkepa _ ’s yell, the guards flanking the dais raise their spears, clearly alert.  The ambassador grins, pleased to have gotten under Titus’ skin. 

                “ _ Nou.  Em nou frag Maun-de op, en em nou gada ufnes kom Wanheda in.” _  The ambassador speaks in a bored tone, but his words are designed to inflame and anger.  Words like these have sparked Clan wars in the past, something that Lexa had vowed to end once she created the Coalition.   _ “Seintaim, em nou vout in weron Wanheda kamp raun.” _

                  Titus puffs himself up, attempting to intimidate the ambassador, who just grins at him.  He opens his mouth to speak again, but stops when Lexa utters his name once, in a very quiet, calm tone.  Giving the ambassador a baleful glare over his shoulder, Titus walks back to his spot on the dais and folds his hands into the sleeves of his robes.  Lexa walks closer to the ambassador, who, to his credit, doesn’t flinch. He starts speaking again, and Lexa is amazed at the sheer audacity of what he is saying.   _ “Ai Haiplana ste fir raun kom kwelnes gon Heda.” _

                  Lexa nods, and folds her arms behind her back.  she turns and begins walking away from the ambassador.  When she ascends the dais and reaches her throne, she turns around.  Keeping her voice cool displaying none of the rage she is feeling, she talks to the ambassador.  “ _ Bandrona.  Ai gaf chich yu op soulou, kos ai gada imfou gon yo haiplana. _ ” 

                  He smirks, and joins her upon the dais.  They walk side by side onto the small balcony, and they look out over the city.  He begins talking, telling her that Queen Nia is worried that Skaikru possesses too much power.  After a minute, Lexa takes a deep breath and very calmly pushes the man over the railing. She leans over and watches as he falls, listening to his scream.  When his scream cuts off abruptly, she turns to the other ambassadors, all of them looking at her with a shocked expression. Her right eyebrow cocked, she stares them down, daring them to say something.  Each one shifts in their seat, avoiding her gaze. After she makes eye contact with them all and they remain silent, Lexa kom Trikru, Commander of the Blood, Leader of the Coalition, sits on her throne.

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**Present Day**

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               Lexa drags her mind back to the present, watching as her handmaiden gets up.  She asks her to light a few more candles, and she prepares to roll the assassin over.  Once there is sufficient light in the room, Lexa bends over, holding her breath so as to avoid the stench.  Enda giggles, saying “We didn’t need to hear him, we could have smelled him coming from the other end of Polis.”  The laughter stops when Lexa rolls the assassin over, and they get a good look. 

               Enda gasps, “It’s a girl!! No scars, so not a warrior from Azgeda, and certainly not skilled enough to be one of Nias spies.”

               “Clarke??” , Lexa asks. her tone confused.    She hears Enda take a deep breath.

                “Clarke?? As in  _ WANHEDA?? Heda, _ are you sure?”, asks Enda.  She can’t grasp that this skinny waif, who clearly knows nothing about sneaking, who smells like urine and body odor from across the room and has leaves and cobwebs in her poorly dyed hair, is the legendary Wanheda.

                 Lexa nods, mind working a mile a minute.  “I’d recognize her anywhere.”

                 Enda gives her a piercing look.  “ _ Heda _ , I’ve served you since your Ascension.  I know how you think, and I sincerely hope you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking.  Because if you are thinking what I think you’re--” and she gets cut of by Lexas raised hand.

                “Get four guards who can be trusted to keep silent, Enda, and have them bring Clarke to one of the cells in the basement.”  Lexa bites her lip, momentarily unsure of herself. She continues, “one of the Deep Cells, i don’t want anyone to be able to hear her.  Those four guards, you, and I are the only people to know that she is there. Make sure she is tied securely, you don’t even know half of the mischief she can make if she gets loose.  But make sure she’s not harmed.” Lexa watches as Enda moves quickly to call the necessary guards. Grabbing her pillow, she rips part of the case off and stuff it into Clarkes mouth and over her head, creating a makeshift gag and hood.  She watches as her door guards, the ones that she trusts implicitly, drag Clarke off, and sits down, biting her thumbnail and her mind whirling furiously.

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               Clarke wakes up, her head pounding like someone beating an anvil just behind her eyes.  She groans and tries to move, but realizes within a second that she can’t. Her hands are behind her in some small  device that fits just behind her hands, trapping them next to each other. She can feel that her feet are pulled back, calves almost on thighs, and she can’t separate them.  She tries to pull her feet to her chest, and that’s when she gets the next horrible surprise. As her feet straighten, a cord that she didn’t notice around her neck tightens, choking her.  She pulls her feet closer to her back, and the rope loosens so that she can breath. she pushes her feet closer to her back, until her muscles scream, and the rope loosens….but not enough to slip over her head. Nowhere near enough, even with her hands trying to pull it up.  After a few minutes of trying, Clarke gives up. She rolls onto her stomach to look at the place she’s in. 

                The room is a fair sized one, about the size of her living room on the Ark.  Ominous brown stains cover the walls, which Clarke finds after some wiggling is made of skins stuffed with some spongy material.  There are rings set into the ceiling, thick and smooth, set in a pattern that Clarke can’t understand. A large ring is also set into each wall, one at shoulder height and one closer to the floor.  A small bucket on the side sits next to the back wall. Other than this, the room is empty. She tries to sit up, but no amount of wiggling or contortions will allow her to get up onto her knees. All the motion exacerbates her headache, and she begins to feel very very queasy.  Turning her head to the side, she retches a few times, spitting up some foamy saliva. panting, she moves two or three wiggles away, and then closes her eyes and sleeps.

             The screech of the door opening wakes her up.  Two extremely large warriors walk in, their faces covered in the bone half-masks of  _ Trikru  _ warriors.  She doesn’t even bother trying to inch away from them, because where is she going to go?  One walks over, and plants his foot on her back pressing her face into the ground. The other unwraps the rope from around her ankles, and slips it from her neck.  Her thighs scream in protest as her legs straighten, and the two warriors slip their arms under her armpits and lift her up. They try to put her down, but her legs won’t support her and so they are forced to hold her for a few minutes.  When her legs are able to support her, she stands as they free her wrists from the wooden device, and bind them with rope to the rings on either side of the room. When they are done, they leave, not having uttered a word. 

              Clarke stands there, in silence, the only sound in the room is her breathing.  She twists and turns, trying to get her hands closer together, but her arms are pulled out almost straight, with little slack.  The  _ gona _ certainly knew what they were doing, Clarke thinks.  And so she stands there. And stands there. Thankfully, she’s able to sit down, but when she does, her arms are lifted up, ropes taut.  She starts swaying side to saide, walking back and forth, just to break the monotony. The wails of an infant suddenly being to grow louder and louder, as if someone was walking down the hall.  Clarke beings screaming, “ No, no nononononono”, and start frantically pulling on the ropes, trying to get away. The ropes burn as her arms twist and turn, and her wrists chafe, but Clarke doesn’t even feel it.  She looks behind her, terrified that Joshua will appear behind her, but there’s nobody there. She turns around and Maya is right there, but it’s not Maya as Clarke last saw her. This is the Maya that Clarke saw picked up off the floor of Mount Weather, burned and disfigured, blood leaking from every orifice.  Clarke can’t get away from her, no matter how hard she tries.

              “You stupid, stupid girl!!!”,  Maya yells at her. Her face is contorted in rage, her yells a counterpart to the screams of her child.  “You fucking idiot, all you needed to do was kill one sleeping person. That’s all you needed to  do to help us.  You couldn’t even do that right. Now you’re gonna pay. Joshua should be here any minute.” Saying this, Maya turns and walks out of the room.

                Clarke feels warmth run down her leg as Mayas words sink in.  She starts moaning “No, no, no. Please, no, please!! I’ll be a good girl, I’ll be good, I swear!! PLEASE!!!”  This litany continues on and on, until Clarke isn’t even aware that she’s moaning it. She can’t hear anything over the fear that’s running through her mind.  She doesn’t even notice when Lexa opens the door and walks into the room.

               Lexa can hardly believe that this, this person, is Clarke.  The same Clarke who pushed her to trust in others, who tried to save everyone in TonDC.  Covered in fresh urine, poorly dyed hair, covered in dirt, and moaning something, over and over.  Lexa can’t understand what it is until she moves a bit closer, and all she hears is, “ I’ll be good, i’ll be a good girl, it wasn’t my fault, I’ll be good, I’ll be a good girl.”  Lexa takes a step back, thinking. Clarke reminds her of a skittish horse that she saw once, rolling its eyes in panic, kicking at anyone that came near. It took a firm hand and some time, but that horse became the fastest, most well trained battle steed that Lexa ever had the pleasure to ride.  But first things first.

                  Walking to the door, she opens it, and asks one of the guards to bring down two buckets of water.  Closing the door, she gets to work. Drawing the dagger from her belt, Lexa begins to cut off Clarkes clothing, starting with her shirt.  “If you move, Clarke, you’re going to get hurt, so I need you not to move. Understand?” Lexa says this in a soft, calm voice, but Clarke gives no indication that she heard her.  Starting from the nape of the neck, Lexa cuts downwards, splitting the shirt, then repeating it in the front. She takes note of the scars on the left shoulder that look like Clarke got mauled by a  _ feisripa _ , and she makes a note to ask Clarke the story behind it.  Clarkes ribs tell a story of hunger and deprivation, as her ribs show clearly when she breathes.  Lexa cuts the sleeves off, but leaves Clarke in her chest bindings for now. She repeats the process with Clarkes pants, doing her best to avoid touching them.  After, she’ll have them burned, but for the meantime, she kicks them to a corner of the room. Walking to the door, she opens it, and sees the water that she asked for.  Dragging the buckets in, she sets them down, and takes a deep breath. Then she moves.

 

 

_ Azgeda na spek yo daun gon yo Heda =  _ Azgeda will bow to your commander.

_ Fleimkepa  _ = Flame Keeper 

_ Nou.  Em nou frag Maun-de op, en em nou gada ufnes kom Wanheda in. =  _ No.  She didn’t kill the Mountain, and she doesn’t hold the power of the Commander of Death.

_ Seintaim, em nou vout in weron Wanheda kamp raun. =  _ She doesn’t even know where the Commander of Death is.

_ Ai Haiplana ste fir raun kom kwelnes gon Heda. =  _ My queen is worried about the weakness of the Commander.

_ Bandrona.  Ai gaf chich yu op soulou, kos ai gada imfou gon yo haiplana. _ = Ambassador.  I’d like to speak with you privately, because I have a message for your Queen.

_ Gona =  _ Warrior.

_ feisripa =  _ Tiger (face ripper)


	5. and so it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry that this took so long, i needed to rewrite it 3 times. Drop me a comment, let me know what you think. I hope you all love it.

                 Lexa advances on Clarke, who is still mindlessly chanting and sobbing.  She circles around Clarke, lifts one of the buckets, and dumps it over Clarke.  Nothing happens, the chanting continues, and Lexa stops to reconsider. Titus would be correct in telling her that the far easier path would be to simply take Clarkes head.  The gain in personal and political power would be enough to finally take Nia,  _ Kwin _ of  _ Azgeda  _ out, and gain peace for the rest of her people.  But Lexa has never been interested in the easy path.  She walk back to the door,and and grabs the second bucket.  She walk in front of Clarke, and cupping her hands throws some water directly into Clarke's face.  The results are immediate, as Clarke stops speaking and starts coughing and sputtering. When she stops, she looks up, wet clumps of hair hanging down, but her eyes are clear.  Clear and focused on Lexa, and burning with fury.

                 “You!!!!! You fucking bitch, you did this to me! This is your fault!!”. Clarkes face is contorted in rage as she screams at Lexa, and she rears back and launches a foot at Lexas head.  Lexa simply moves back, and the foot doesn't even come close to its target. She waits for a minute, and then throws the rest of the water directly into Clarkes face again. As Clarke coughs again, Lexa moves behind her and grabs a handful of wet hair.  “Don’t ever do that again, Clarke, unless you want to be punished”, she whispers in Clarkes ear. Pulling her head back, she continues. “Why did you come here, Clarke?” Clarke says nothing, staring ahead with her lips pressed together in fury. Lexa grabs her chin with one hand, and forces her head up.  “Why did you come here, Clarke?”, she asks again. 

            Clarke responds by attempting to headbutt her, and kicking her in the leg.  Lexa lets go of Clarkes face and takes a step to the side. A wave of anger rises within her, but she quells it by force of will.  She walks to the door, and then turns to Clarke. “I see that you like to learn things the hard way, Clarke. I can teach you that way as well, if that’s what you wish.”  Saying this, Lexa opens the door, walks out, and closes it firmly behind her. She turns to the guards, and instructs them that nobody is to feed the prisoner except her, or Enda.  They should, however, make sure that the torches in the chamber are lit. She owes Clarke at least that much, to not leave her in darkness. She then goes upstairs, to deal with some feuding Ambassadors.

            She returns later in the day, much later in fact.  She carries a pitcher of water, and some food in a cloth, and she is dressed simply.  She isn’t  _ Heda _ , she is  _ Leksa _ .  While others may not make a distinction, she most certainly does.  She takes a deep breath, opens the door, and walks in. Clarke is standing there, shifting from side to side and occasionally holding her legs together.  She looks lucid, which is far better than the last time Lexa saw her. “Clarke?”, Lexa asks softly. “Clarke, what happened to you?”

           Before she even finishes speaking, Clarke looks at her.  “YOU happened”, she spits. “You left me there, and now they won’t leave me alone!!  I have to make them stop!!” 

           “Who won’t leave you alone?”

           “Them!!  She had a baby, and I didn’t know, and it won’t stop crying!! I can’t sleep with all the crying.  She said that if I was a good girl and helped her the crying would stop.” Clarke is looking away from Lexa as she talks, but her gaze is focused on a spot near the corner.  Lexa looks over, but sees nothing except a shifting shadow from the torch. Clarke begins rambling, but stops abruptly and stared at Lexa. “I need to pee. Untie me so that I can pee.” 

           "You tried to kill me, Clarke.  I don’t think that I owe you anything.  But I will assist you, and all you need to do is one small thing.”  As she speaks, Lexa walks over to the side of the room, and picks up the bucket that’s there.  She walks around, and stands behind Clarke so that she has to strain to see Lexa. Clarke has become random and unpredictable,  and Lexa fears that this may not work. “One simple thing, and I’ll help you. And what I want is far easier than what they wanted you to do.  All you need to do is ask nicely.”

            Clarke looks at her with an incredulous expression.  “That’s it? I just need to ask you?”

            “That’s right, Clarke.  Just ask me nicely.”

            “Oh please please, can you untie me?  Pretty please with a cherry on top?” , Clarke sing songs without looking at her.  Lexa isn’t sure what a cherry is doing on top of anything, but Clarkes tone is so sweet that not even fresh honey comes close to it.  It also sounds patently false, but Lexa can’t stop now. Consistency and firmness are what’s needed here.

            “I’m sorry, Clarke, but that wasn’t nice enough.  I’m sure you can do better than that. Why don’t you be a good girl and ask me nicer?”  Lexa had noticed that Clarke kept on using that phrase over and over, and her deduction was correct.  When Clarke hears that phrase, she stiffens slightly, and takes a small breath. Lexa cuts her off before she can even finish her first word.  “You haven’t earned the right to call me by my name, Clarke. Until you earn that back, you can call me  _ Heda _ , or  _ Amin. _  But you might want to hurry, I’m a busy person, and I have things to do.  If I don’t help you now, nobody else will, and there won’t be any food or water until I return.”

             Clarke looks into the corner, and shakes her head.  Lexa nods, pleased that Clarke hasn’t lost any of her stubbornness, or her will to fight.  “Very well, Clarke. Have a pleasant rest, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She places the bucket back were it was, and walks to the door.  As Lexa closes the door behind her, she hears Clarke begin to whimper. 

             Lexa wakes, as is her custom, before dawn.  All night, she had dreamed of blue eyes, and the feeling of holding Clarkes face.  Watching Clarke take a deep breath had given Lexa a small thrill, and now she wants more.  Stopping at the kitchens, she gets some more food and a waterskin, and continues to the dungeons.  She slips into the room, and Clarke is so busy panting and twisting back and forth that she doesn’t even notice that Lexa is there.  Setting her things down, Lexa calls Clarkes name. 

             Clarke opens her eyes, looks at Lexa, and grimaces before speaking.  “Please, please, Lexa help me. Please, I don’t want to piss on myself!!”, she cries out as she dances back and forth.

              Lexa holds the bucket just out of reach, turns it upside down, and sits on it.  She silently looks at Clarke, and folds her hands in her lap. After a minute of twisting back and forth, Clarke closes her eyes for a second, takes a deep breath, and then opens them.  “ _ Amin _ , can you please help me?”, she asks in a broken voice.

              Lexa feels a little thrill run through her upon hearing Clarke address her properly.  “Of course I will”, she says as she stands and pulls the bucket up. Walking behind Clarke, she places the bucket down behind her and begins to pull Clarkes underwear down. Clarke shakes her hips free, and takes a step forward.  

              “Lexa, what are you--”  

              “Again, Clarke?  I thought you had learned your lesson, but I see you didn’t.  That’s ok, I can try to come back later.”

              “NO!! I’m sorry,  _ Amin _ , please don’t go.  Please,  _ Amin _ !!”  Clarke begins rushing over her words in her apologies, but one thing that Lexa was able to catch is that she doesn’t want to be “ alone with them”.

              “Sshhhh, Clarke”, Lexa whispers in a soothing tone.  “It’s ok, I’m not going anywhere. It’s ok, I’m right here.  I just need to pull your underwear down so that you don’t soil them, and I have some fresh ones for when you are done.”  Lexa then reaches out, and holding Clarkes hips, takes her a step back and positions her by the bucket. 

              “But I can do it myself,  _ Amin _ , if you just untie one of my hands”, Clarke whines, embarrassment tingeing her face a bright red.  

              “That’s a privilege that good girls get, Clarke.  I hope that you’ll be good enough that you earn that, but right now, you can’t.  Now be a good girl and stop fidgeting so I can help you.” And with that the fidgeting slows, and stops.

              She once again begins to pull on Clarkes underwear, but this time Clarke stands there and does nothing.  Lexa sees a whole host of insect bites and scratches marring Clarkes skin, but she says nothing. Stepping back, she walks to the door to give Clarke some privacy.  She asks one of the guards to get two buckets of warm water, some soap, some washcloths and towels, and smallclothes. He returns quickly with the items she asked for, and she takes them with a murmur of thanks, and turns.  What she sees steals her breath. Covered in dirt and scratches, her nudity covered by the lip of the bucket, Clarke looks feral, yet beautiful. Lexa swallows, and realizes that taming Clarke may satisfy her head AND her heart.  

               She returns, and puts her stuff down.  She says, “Stand up, Clarke”, while putting her hand on Clarkes shoulder.  She hears Clarke take a breath, and she slowly stands. “I’m going to wash you and help you be clean, Clarke.  I don’t want you to talk at all. If you follow my instructions, you’ll get a reward. Nod if you understand and can be a good girl for me.”  She sees Clarke nod her head, and she is pleased that Clarke has already begun to accept, and if her reaction was to be believed, enjoy her position as  _ nila _ .  Lexa wonders if this was always there, just buried below the surface, and now it was revealed.

                Soaking one of the washcloths in the warm water and lathering it up with the soap, Lexa begins to wash Clarke, starting with her hands and arms.  The water running down Clarkes arms and in the bucket quickly turns brown with accumulated dirt. Clarke hisses in pain when Lexa scrubs over a long scratch on her left arm, and Lexa makes a note to have a healer look at that.  Lexa works in silence, murmuring the occasional comment. When she reaches Clarkes neck, she stops for a minute. She ponders, and then acts. Her hand reaches down, pulls her dagger, and begins to cut Clarkes chest bindings. Clarke looks behind her with a scared expression, and Lexa calms her by telling her, “ Shhhh, you’re doing so well, Clarke, so well.  A little bit longer, and then we’re all done.” The bindings fall to the ground, and Lexa toes them to the side. Clarkes arms instinctively move to cover her chest, and Lexas hand shoots out and grabs her by the neck. Exerting a bit of pressure, Lexa sees Clarkes arms relax slightly. She leans forwards and whispers into Clarkes ear, “You’re safe here, Clarke.  I’ll keep you safe, relax, I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” Clarke relaxes once more, and as she lets out a shuddering breath, Lexa feels a thrill of arousal at the knowledge that Clarke is submitting to her. Stroking Clarkes neck, she whispers again “Good girl”, and sees goosebumps rise on her skin, along with a visible shudder. Bending down, she wets the cloth again, and she can smell... _ Keryon _ , she can smell Clarkes arousal, and it calls to her in a way that nothing else ever has.  Her body answers, and she can feel her pulse jump. She stands to the side, reaches around with the wet cloth, and begins to wash Clarkes chest.

                Clarke closes her eyes as her nipples get hard, and Clarke pushes her chest up into Lexas hand.  "Does that feel good, Clarke?”, Lexas asks her. Clarke nods, and Lexa gives a pleased hum, Clarke is following directions  better than she could have hoped. “Answer me with your words, Clarke.”

              “Yes,  _ Amin _ , it feels good.”

               You see? Good girls get rewarded, bad girls get punished.  Now, no more talking, we have to hurry, the waters getting cold.”

               Lexa continues washing Clarke, revealing an astonishing number of cuts, bruises, and scars.  Lexa notices that some of the cuts on Clarkes upper legs are straight and narrow, inflicted with a blade of some kind.  At first she thinks that Clarke fought someone else, possibly over food, but then she notices that they are orderly, close together, almost as if….Lexa realizes that Clarke was cutting herself.  She finishes washing Clarke quickly after that, giving her pelvic region a quick rinse with the other bucket. Clarke shivers, the water now almost room temperature. Lexa pats her dry, and then helps her to get the smallclothes on.  Lexa winds the chest bindings around Clarke, tucking the loose end in the back.

                Picking up the food, Lexa begins to feed Clarke small amounts, giving her sips of water from the waterskin.  Soon, Clarkes eyelids begin to droop as the sedative in the water works, and she sways on her feet. Cutting the ropes holding Clarkes arms, Lexa hugs her from behind and sits down, cradling Clarkes body against hers.  She begins to sing a childs lullaby to Clarke, a soft soothing melody.

                The last thing that Clarke feels as she drifts off to sleep is Lexa, holding her close and secure.  The last thing she hears is Lexa singing to her, telling her that she is loved and safe. The last thing she sees is Emily, standing in a corner of the room, smiling.

  
  


_ Heda  _ = Commander

_ Amin =  _ Master/Mistress

_ Hodnes laik kwelnes=  _ Love is weakness

_ nila _ = Submissive (one who kneels)

_ Keryon _ = Spirits


	6. A decision is made

                Clarke slowly wakes up, and she is surrounded by warmth.  Fighting to remain asleep, she burrows down, rubbing her cheek into warm fabric that smells like lavender.  Pressure in her bladder forces her to wake, and she cracks one eye open and looks down. She’s alone in the same room that she was before, but she’s alone, and her hands aren’t bound.  She’s laying on what appears to be a sleeping mat of some sort, almost like a flat mattress. She’s covered in one of the nicest blankets that she has felt in….well, in a long time. She spies the bucket in a corner of the room, and next to it is a smaller container.  Getting up, shes sees that not only is she dressed in clean underwear but she’s wearing a sleeveless shift. A bandage covers her left arm, and lifting a corner lets Clarke see a greenish paste under the bandage. A poultice of some kind, muses Clarke. Apparently she was so out of it that a healer was able to assess and treat her wounds, and she slept through it.  Walking to the bucket, she sees that the smaller container next to it is full of a fine grey powder. “At least I won’t have to deal with the smell”, Clarke says out loud, “but I pity the person who has to empty this”.

                Hiking up her shift, she squats and empties her bladder, the sound of her urine hitting the bottom of the bucket loud in her ears.  Looking around, she spies a small pile of rags held onto the side of the bucket. She wipes herself clean, and then empties some of the powder into the bucket.  Examining the side of the bucket, she realizes that it’s not a hook, but a sawn off branch that is actually part of the side of the bucket. She hears a squeal of hinges, and turns to see a young girl come in, holding a tray of food.  She places the tray on the floor, and with a smile, motions towards Clarke that she should come and eat. Moving towards the tray, Clarke sees the girl move back, and clasp her hands together. It looks like she brought a bowl of oatmeal, with some berries in it, and some crackers to scoop it up.  Looking up, Clarke sees the girl pull a waterskin out from behind her, and lift the strap over her neck. She offers it to Clarke with a smile, still not having said a word.

               “Do you have any idea when Lexa is going to be here?”, she asks, kneeling down and lifting the bowl up to her mouth.  Not hearing an answer, she looks up, and repeats the question in Trigedasleng. The girl smiles, and holds her hand up in front of her mouth, and Clarke realizes that she’s mute.  “Smart, sending you in. Can’t tell me a thing, can’t sing a song. Great. Just fucking great.” While Clarke is talking, she sees the girl begin edging her way to the door. She looks up in a panic, calling out “don’t go! Please don’t go!!  I’m sorry, i didn’t mean to insult you. Just stay a little longer. Please!!” The last comes out in a half sob, Clarke can’t bear to be alone, that’s when  _ they _ come.  The girl gives her a  sad smile, and makes a walking motion with her fingers, and then a circle.  Clarke starts crying, tears dropping into her food, and she feels a hand touch her shoulder.  She looks up, and the girl repeats the motion twice, far slower and exaggerated this time. Almost as if….almost as if speaking to someone who doesn’t understand the language, Clarke realizes.  “You’ll come back?  _ Yu na komba raun nodotaim? Yu swega klin?”, _ Clarke asks, with hope in her voice.  The girl nods once, then bangs on the door and slips out.

              Outside in the hallway, Enda walks over to Lexa.  “It’s as you thought,  _ Heda. _  She’s starved for human contact.  She was asking for you, “, and Enda smiles to see Lexas face brighten slightly, “ so I don’t think she hates you as much as you think.”

              “Thank you, Enda.  That will be all for now.”  Lexa turns to the door, and takes a deep breath.  Outwardly, her face is composed, calm. Inside, her stomach is jumping and sloshing around like a wild horse took up residence inside her.  She reaches out, opens the door, and walks in.

               Clarke looks up, happy that someone,  _ anyone _ , is coming in to be with her, and she sees Lexa come through the door.  Her happiness dissipates, remembering Lexa turning away from her and leading her army away from Mount Weather.  She sees the bodies… She looks up, and Lexa is standing so close to her, Clarke justs acts without thinking it through.  She hears Emilys voice in her ears shouting encouragement as she springs up and runs into Lexa, trying to knock her to the floor.

               She fails.  Miserably. As she reaches Lexa, Lexa whirls around while ducking at the same time, and grabs Clarkes arm.  She continues the whirl while standing up, and somehow gets a leg behind Clarke, bringing her to the ground, with her arm now behind her.  Clarke struggles, but Lexas grip is tight, and she can’t make any progress. “Really, Clarke? What were you thinking?” Lexa asks as she holds onto a wriggling Clarke.  

               “You have to pay, you piece of shit!! You made me do it, you made me kill them!!  They won’t leave me alone, they’re always here, and it’s your fault!!” Clarkes yelling now begins to make sense to Lexa.  Clarke wiped out all The Mountain Men, man, woman, and child, but couldn’t handle the guilt. Lexa had suffered from guilt similar to this before, but had the training of her novitiate and the teachings of her  _ Fleimkepa  _ to show her how to handle it.  Clarke had clearly never had this, she had leadership thrust upon her, and she was cracking under its weight.  She tried so hard to please everyone, her  _ nila _ nature showing itself, that she was hurting herself.  Lexa simply holds Clarke, and as Clarkes struggles begin to lessen, Lexa leans over, and whispers two words into her ear.  “I’m sorry”, she says. 

              Clarkes mind whirls, she doesn’t believe what she is hearing.  “Wh-what?”, she sputters. She tilts her head back, trying to look at Lexa.  Her eyes begin to water, some emotion that she can’t name twisting within her.

              Lexa repeats herself.  “I’m sorry, Clarke.” She then adds, “I never meant to turn you into this.”

              Tears begin to stream down Clarkes face and as she blinks, she sees the forms of her tormentors, standing in front of her.  The baby is quiet, and they all seem to be listening very intently. Lexa sees Clarke staring intently at the wall, lost in her own mind, and she leans closer.  “Let them go, Clarke. Let them rest.”

              “Huh?  What do you mean?”

              “The dead are gone, Clarke, and the living are hungry.  YOU are keeping them here, Clarke. Let them rest. Let them go.  You have nothing to feel guilty for.” Lexas voice is low, soothing like velvet, but compelling at the same time.

              “What do you mean, I have nothing to feel guilty for, Lexa? Of course I do, I killed them!! I didn’t even try to find another option, I just killed them all.”  Clarkes voice is broken, and she begins to sob.

              “What did you call me?  Are you going to be a good girl and address me properly, or do you need to be punished?”  Lexas voice hasn’t changed, but somehow there is steel beneath the velvet, and she tightens her grip on Clarkes arm as she speaks.

              “I’m sorry,  _ Amin _ .”

              “That’s a good girl.  And I’ll say it again, you have nothing to feel guilty over.  Did you set out to kill them all?”

              “No, but that doesn’t matter!!! I still did it!!”

              “Did you offer their leaders a different way?  Did you attempt to peacefully resolve the conflict?”  Lexa leans closer to Clarke as she continues talking, until she is practically whispering in Clarkes ear.  She can see the tears beginning to slow, and Clarke thinks for a second before she answers, remembering the fight inside Mount Weather.

              “I did.  I even...I even killed Cages father Dante in an attempt to make him stop.  but he wouldn’t”, and Clarke begins to cry again, ” he wouldn’t stop drilling.  He started drilling into my mother, he left me no choice.”

             “We tell our warriors to go and die for us, Clarke.  We tell our people to trust in us, to have faith that we’ll make good decisions for them.  If we don’t, and our people leave us in charge, then they are responsible for the outcome of that decision.  Did anyone attempt to stop Cage?”

             “There were people that hid and gave shelter to-”

             Lexa cuts her off.  “That’s not what I asked.  Did anyone there attempt to stop the harvesting?  Giving aid to your people isn’t the same thing, it’s a way for the guilty to assuage their own guilt.”

             Clarke thinks for a minute.  She looks up, the ghosts of the children and Maya still stand there, looking at her.  “No, nobody tried to stop it.”

             Lexa nods, even though Clarke can’t see it.  “You feel guilt for those you couldn’t save, but you also feel guilt for your enemies.  You feel too much, Clarke, and that’s your problem. Like anything else, too little is a bad quality in a leader, but too much is also harmful.  You end up spending time feeling for those you shouldn’t. You didn’t feel anything for the three hundred warriors you burned alive before, because you knew it was war.  This was war as well. Just because they didn’t wield swords didn’t make them any less dangerous. Now I’m going to let go of your arm, and I want you to roll over. Attempting to hit me will NOT be tolerated ever again.  Do you understand me, Clarke?”

            “What are you going to do, Lexa?”  Clarke questions, flexing her hand after Lexa lets go.  A resounding smack on her bottom makes her yelp, and she feels Lexas hand on her, rubbing and soothing.  Clarke is confused, because it feels good, and she knows it shouldn’t.

            “When I tell you to do something, Clarke, I expect to be obeyed right away.  And again you use my name. Shall we try that again? Turn over.” Lexa is outwardly calm, but inside she is trembling.  This is a big step, one she’s not fully sure Clarke can embrace. Clarke settles her doubts by turning over, looking at her, and saying, “I’m sorry,  _ Amin _ .”

            “Forgiven,  _ strikon _ .  Now close your eyes.  No thinking, this is the time for feeling.”  Lexa is thrilled to see Clarkes eyes flutter shut at her words, and she feels herself begin to grow damp.  She runs her hands up Clarkes legs, rucking the shift above her torso, and then slips her hands under it. she runs her hands lightly over Clarkes stomach, little feather touches that has Clarke breathless.  “Sit up”, Lexa says in a voice grown hoarse with desire, and Clarke obeys, keeping her eyes closed. Lexa pulls the shift off of Clarke, Clarke obediently lifting her hands without being told. “Good girl,  _ strikon _ .  You’re being such a good girl, you’re listening so well.”  Each time Lexa praises her, Clarkes breathing gets a bit heavier, a bit more ragged.  Lexa sees Clarkes nipples poking through the bindings, and she removes that as well. Putting the shift on the floor, she cups the back of Clarkes head and gently pushes back.  Laying Clarke back down on the floor once more, Lexa takes a moment to appreciate the sheer beauty that is laying in front of her. “ _ Yu ste krei meizen, strikon _ ”, she whispers.  She reaches out, and begins to massage Clarkes arms, rubbing first the lower arms, then her upper arms, avoiding Clarkes wound.  Moving on to the shoulders, Lexa can feel how tight they are, and she makes a mental note to schedule a larger block of time later to properly massage the tension out of Clarkes back.  She skips Clarkes chest, watching her face furrow in disappointment, and is smooths out when Lexa murmurs to her, “Relax,  _ strikon _ .  Good things come to good girls who wait patiently.”

           After rubbing Clarkes abdomen, Lexa moves to her thighs, and that’s when she notices a damp spot on Clarkes underwear.  “Tell me, Clarke. does this feel good?”

           “Yes,  _ Amin _ .”

           “Good.  Should I continue?”  

           “Please,  _ Amin _ ”, is the response.  Lexa continues to massage Clarkes upper thighs, and the dampness grows.  Lexa is impressed, she’s had responsive partners before, but never a  _ nila  _ who got  **this** aroused just from a dry massage.  Soon Lexa has reached the bottom of Clarkes feet, and rather than move back up in order, she decides on another course of action.  She begins to randomly massage different parts of Clarkes body, but never her chest. After what feels like hours to Lexa, and probably an eternity to Clarke, Lexa reaches out a trembling hand and palms Clarkes breast.  Clarke inhales, and pushes her chest up into Lexas hand, still keeping her eyes closed. “You’re such a good girl, so beautiful, listening to me so well”, Lexa tells her. “No talking, but you can make all the noise you want, Clarke.  Let me hear how much you like this.” And Clarke obeys, her gasps turn to moans and cries. 

            She gives a particularly loud one when Lexa begins to rub and twist her nipples, and the scent of her pleasure fills the air.  Lexa smiles, and continues her ministrations. “If you want to cum,  _ strikon _ , you need to ask me for permission”, Lexa tells her.  “Nod if you understand me.” And Lexas heart begins to jump and scream in happiness as Clarke nods.  She continues what she is doing, but now snakes a hand down and into Clarkes underwear, circling the wet heat.  Clarkes moans take on a higher pitch, and it goes even higher as Lexa slowly drags her hand up along Clarkes center, gathering wetness,  until she feels a small bud under her fingertip. She circles it a few times, and Clarke gasps, “Please!! Please  _ Amin _ , i need to cum!!”

            Lexa smiles, and begins to speed up her movements on Clarkes clit.  She tells Clarke to open her eyes, and sky blue meet forest green. “Cum for me”, she whispers to Clarke, and a few seconds later, Clarke does just that.  Lexa watches as Clarkes whole body tenses, and then she shivers as her pelvis jerks up and down a few times. She goes limp after, and Lexa withdraws her hand, and licks it clean of Clarkes nectar.   _ Keryon _ , this may be the best thing she’s ever tasted.  She shifts around until Clarkes head is laying in her lap, and she begins to light stroke Clarkes head, carding her fingers through tousled blond locks.  “Such a good girl, you’re such a good girl, Clarke”, whispers Lexa. “You’re safe here, with me. Trust me Clarke. The spirits haunting you, they need to rest, and so do you.  You have no reason to feel guilty. Trust me.”

           “How?”, asks Clarke, her voice hazy.  “How can I trust you? You left me once before.”

           “I had a duty to my people, Clarke, we….we had lost so many in those first few minutes.  I needed to save those that i could, and tt that point, you weren’t my people. I want that to be different.  I want YOU to be different. Be mine, and I will protect you. I’ll guide you, teach you. I will never push you past your limits, I promise.  You’ll be punished when you don’t listen”, and she reaches out and squeezes one of Clarkes nipples, eliciting a gasp from Clarke, “and you’ll be rewarded when you behave.”  Now she releases the nipple, and begins to rub it, causing Clarke to shiver, and let out another moan. Lexa lets go, and takes Clarkes face in her hands. “Be mine, Clarke.”

            Clarke thinks for a minute, the longest minute of Lexas life, before she looks up into Lexas eyes.  She nods, one time. “If you betray me…”

           Lexa is quick to answer.  “I would never. The bond between  _ nila  _ and  _ nilaouna _ is sacred, and it flows both ways.  Just as you have a duty to listen, obey, and learn, I have a duty to teach, protect, and provide for you.  Please Clarke, be my  _ nila _ , and let me be your  _ nilaouna _ .”

           Clarke exhales.  “Ok,  _ Amin _ .”

 

_ Yu na komba raun nodotaim? = _ You’ll come back?

_ Yu swega klin?  _ =  You promise?

_ Fleimkepa _ = Flamekeeper

_ strikon _ = little one 

_ Yu ste krei meizen, strikon  _ = You are incredibly beautiful, little one

_ Keryon _ \- Spirits

_ nilaouna  _ = Dominant (owner of one who kneels)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a comment, let me know what you think!! This chapter kinda made me nervous, I had so many many thoughts running through my head as I wrote it. You may recognize some quotes from the show, I tried to keep the characters "in-character", so to speak.


	7. A disguise, and the beginning of a beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry, my lovelies, that this took as long as it has. A death in the family and work has kinda taken me for a loop, and I couldn't brain. Fear not, I'm here. Theres no smut in this chapter, my longest chapter ever, but it's setting the stage for a whole bunch of stuff. As always, drop me a line and let me know what you think.

              They sit there on the floor for a while, Clarke's head in Lexas lap, until the door opens.  Lexa quickly moves to cover Clarke by pulling the shift down. The girl from before sticks her head in, and seeing Lexa, walks into the room. “Clarke, this is Enda, one of my most trusted handmaidens.  Enda, you've already met Clarke, also called  _ Wanheda _ .”

              Clarke sits up, smiles at Enda, and says, “ _ Monin, Enda _ .  It's nice to learn your name.”

              Enda bows low. “The honor is all mine,  _ Klark kom Skaikru _ .  I hope the food was to your liking.”

              Clarke looks as her in shock.  “Wait, you can talk? I thought you were mute before!!”

              Enda smiles back at her.  “When  _ Heda  _ tells me to do something, I do it.  She said that you shouldn’t know that I can talk or hear you, so I didn’t.  Apologies,  _ Heda _ , but a matter has arisen that requires your attention.”  She leans forwards and starts to whisper, but Lexa interrupts her.

              “Whatever you need to say to me, you can say in front of her, Enda.  I won’t have secrets from her.” The fact that Lexa is still cradling Clarke isn’t lost on Enda.

               “Very well,  _ Heda.   _ The Ambassadors of  _ Louwoda KlironKru  _ and  _ Boudalankru _ have both come for arbitration in a matter they they say needs your judgement.   _ Skaikru _ also has their ambassador waiting at the entrance to your chamber, asking for an audience.  He won’t tell me or Titus why, which makes me nervous. What would you like me to tell them?”

              Lexa sighs. “I’m sorry Clarke, but..”

              She’s cut off by a panicked Clarke, who turns and burrows her head into Lexas chest while clinging to her like a koala that she saw once in a magazine.  “You can’t leave me here again,  _ Amin _ !!  Please, I’ll be good, i can’t be here alone with them again.”  Lexa can feel Clarke begin to sob and cling even tighter. Lexa looks up and sees Enda looking at her curiously.  Stroking her back, Lexa rocks Clarke back and forth, while crooning to her, similar to what she did before. When the crying has slowed down, Lexa speaks again.

              “One of the first things you must learn Clarke, as my  _ nila _ , is not interrupt me when I speak.”  Lexa ignores Endas small gasp of shock, and continues speaking.  “You can ask questions or disagree with me after, but you must let me finish.  I will also, for the most part, give you this same courtesy, except when an interruption will benefit you. Like now.  Do you understand, Clarke?” She feels Clarke nod, and taps the back of her head. “Use your words, please. Do you understand me?”

             Clarke detaches her face from Lexas chest, and pulls back enough to look at her with red, tear filled eyes.  She nods while saying, “Yes,  _ Amin _ .  I understand.”

             Lexa smiles at her, and nods once.  She tells Clarke to stand up, and Clarke obeys promptly, getting another wide smile from Lexa.  Lexa also gets up, and clasps her hands behind her back before she begins speaking again. “What I was going to say, Clarke, is that these are matters that I have to attend, but you won’t be alone.  Clarke, I want you to go with Enda and listen to her. She will make your room adjoining mine, where another of my handmaidens traditionally reside. She’s also going to get you proper clothing and color your hair, which she’s actually quite good at.  By the time all this is done, I should be finished. If you have any questions, Enda will answer them to the best of her ability. While you are with her, I want you to familiarize yourself with the layout of my floor of the Tower. We also need to work on your _Trigedasleng_ , if we are going to disguise you as a handmaiden.  Enda, you know what to do. Use the back route. Titus is not to know of _Klark_ s presence, Enda. I will find and deal with him.  Oh, and call the guards in when you leave. I will see you later, Clarke.”

            Enda bows her head, and turns with a murmured, “Come with me, Clarke.”  Clarke follows, with one last look at Lexa. Lexa smiles reassuringly at Clarke, and makes a shooing motion with her hands.  A moment later the two guards that were outside are before her. “I don’t need to remind you that this is to never be discussed.  If you should ever speak so much of a whisper of the occupants of this room...well, that would be treason. Back to the throne room, we have work to do.”

           Making her way up to the throne room, Lexa sits down on the Antler Throne.  Knowing that Titus would have been alerted to her movements and would have correctly assumed where she was going, she simply says his name.  With a rustle of cloth, he steps forward from his normal position behind her throne. “ _ Heda _ ”, he says while bowing.  

         “Bring in the  _ Skaikru _ ambassador, please.  I want this over with fast.”  Lexa really isn’t interested in politics right now, especially not with  _ Skaikru _ .  They, for the most part, seem to think that their  _ tek _ gave them rights above all else.  The door opens, and Marcus Kane walks in, his clothing a blend of  _ Skaikru _ and  _ Trikru _ .  Lexa likes him, she does, but she thinks that his sense of idealism is going to get him into trouble.

          He stops before her dais, and bows.  “Thank you for agreeing to see me,  _ Heda _ .”

         “Rise,  _ Bandrona Kein _ .  To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

         “Two things,  _ Heda.   _ The first is that  _ Skaikru  _ is looking to expand into some new farming land, and I was hoping that you would help mediate between us and  _ Trikru _ .  The second is what we can do for you, and the  _ Kongeda _ .  Abby has proposed that we open a clinic here in Polis, as a gesture of goodwill and a sign of our desire to enter the  _ Kongeda _ .  All here would have access to our medical knowledge, and we could even begin to train your healers.”

          Lexa leans forward, intrigued.  Skaikru medicine is vastly superior to what her healers practice, practically magical, and Lexa has seen its efficacy firsthand.  Warriors who should have died were healed and walking within a moons time. “What  would you need to establish this  _ fisageda _ ?”

         “Not much,  _ Heda. _  We can re-purpose one of the buildings on the edge of the city.  We need to find one with the right angle to the sun, since Raven said that she can put some solar panels on the roof to generate power.  We’ve isolated a strain of bacteria that produces a natural antibiotic, and we started farming that outside Arkadia. Abby and I think that we can help a lot of people,  _ Heda _ .”

         Lexa sits back, thinking this through.  Her people could have a better life through this, more healers could be taught, and this would help integrate Skaikru.  So deep in thought, she almost misses the face that Kane has continued talking. “We wouldn’t accept anything for the healing or the teaching, instead we would ask that all of the clans come together and see to the needs of the  _ fisageda  _ and the  _ fisa  _ that are there.”

         Lexa is impressed, this clearly had a great deal of thought put into it.  “Very well, Kane. You may present this proposal to the Council, with my backing.  And I will help you speak to the Trikru. Is that it?”

         Kane bows while saying, “Yes,  _ Heda _ .”  He turns to leave, and then stops.  “Abby asked me to ask you”, he begins to say.

         Lexa holds up a hand, stopping him.  “My scouts have been unable to find her,  _ Bandrona Kein _ .”  Thinking quickly, she speaks.  Her voice softens. “There was a rumor that was passed to me through my scouts that a wanderer bearing Clarkes description was seen in  _ OuskejonKru  _ territory.  I have people following up on it.  Clarke is a strong, fierce woman. She will return when she is ready, and not a moment before.  I will continue to have my scouts search, please let  _ Abi kom Skaikru _ know.”

        “ _ OuskejonKru _ ?  All the way there?  Why would Clarke go there?  It’s not as if she has friends there.  And such a distance?” Kane sounds puzzled, his brow furrowed.

         “Clarke is running, Kane.  And when you run from something, you don’t stop to pick a direction.  You run until you feel safe. If she’s out there, they will find her.”  Lexa sits back down, indicating that the audience is over. 

          “ _ Mochof, Heda _ ”, is all Kane says as he exits the room.  Lexa sits back in her throne room, and wonders how Clarke is faring.  Titus leans over, whispering that the two feuding ambassadors from  _ Boudalankru  _ and  _ Louwoda KlironKru  _ are waiting outside.  She sighs, and sits up straighter.

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           Leaving Lexas side has Clarke nervously looking around, half expecting Jacob to smile at her from a doorway.  For one horrific moment, she has a vision of Enda turning around with Emilys face, and her heart races at the thought.  Just then the light from the torch carried by Enda throws her face into light, and Clarke sighs. Enda is still Enda. Reaching a hallway, Clarke can see that the path now leads up.  Extinguishing the torch in a bucket of sand, Enda turns to Clarke with a serious look. “We must climb now,  _ Klark _ .  It’s a bit of a climb, but you’ll be able to rest once we get to where we need to be.  It’s extremely important that you walk where I say, and touch nothing. Nod if you understand me.”  Seeing Clarkes nod, Enda smiles and begins to lead.

         Before her exile, Clarke would never have been able to make the trip without stopping at least seven or eight times.  But months of exercise and hardship has burned away the dross, leaving her stronger and fitter than she ever was before.  Enda stops her, outstretched hand barring the way. “follow my lead,  _ Klark _ ”, she says.  “Step only where I step, and walk only where I walk.”  Enda begins to walk up the stairs, hugging the left side.  After two flights of stairs, she takes a big step to the right, and walks up one stair, then turns around.  CLarke looks at her, and Enda nods. “Just do what I did, Clarke. Step where I step.” Clarke complies, taking a big step over to the right, and then stops, waiting for Enda to move.  Enda smiles, and keeps going. This pattern repeats itself more times than Clarke can remember, where Enda stops, and moves to one side of the stairwell, and continues the ascension on that side.  Sometimes they switched sides a few times per flight, others not at all.

        Reaching the end, Enda stops in front of an ornate door that is flush with the wall.  Enda turns to her, and explains. “This is a secret entrance that is only known to Heda and one or two trusted people.  Those spots we avoided are concealed traps. Anyone attempting to go up, or down, would very quickly fall through the floor.  You must never, ever share this knowledge with anyone. And the entire floor belongs to  _ Heda _ , so people are stopped on the stairs, in multiple places.  Anyone you see here is loyal to  _ Heda _ , but still keep your tongue. ”  Seeing no doorknob, Clarke is surprised when Enda walks up to it. and sticks her fingers into some of the decorations.  Turning them, Clarke can hear a clanking noise. Withdrawing them, Enda moves to a different section of the door, and does it again.  Standing up, Enda digs her fingers into the decorations and pulls, opening the door. She motions clarke inside, and waits for her to walk in before closing the door.

          Clarke walks into a small room, a closet/armory by the looks of it.  Neatly folded piles of clothing sit on shelves, while armor that Clarke recognizes as Lexas sits on a mannequin.  Brushing her hand over a pile of shirts, Clarke is amazed at how soft it is. Hearing a thud, she turns and sees Enda pulling a lever across the door, locking it again.  Walking past her, Enda walks into the next room, clarke hurrying to follow her. What she sees takes her breath away.

          Light filters in through high, open windows past a decorative grate, bathing the room in a warm patterned glow.  The walls have peeling paint on them, but peeled in a way as to create patterns upon patterns. There is a bed in the middle, unlike anything Clarke has ever seen before.  Furs piled high, headboard ornately carved, it looks like the most comfortable bed that Clarke has ever seen. There are candles everywhere in the room, unlit, all different sizes and widths.  The room smells like Lexa, like lavender, growing things, and something that Clarke can’t identify. The room has a small statue of a cherub in it, holding a candelabra by the side, and Clarke can see that the bedside table has a flask and a glass on it.  A carved wooden dresser takes up room on the far wall, and Clarke walks to it, marverling over it’s design. There are animals carved into the top and sides, wolves chasing deer, rabbits running from eagles, all done in exquisite detail. “That was a gift from  _ Trigedakru _ , to celebrate her Ascension to  _ Heda _ ”, Enda says behind her.  Clarke continues her exploration, seeing two doors on the opposite side of the room.  Stepping to one, Enda simply says, “Your room”, as she opens the door. Compared to Lexas room, it’s sparse.  To Clarke, it’s lavish, better furnished than Mount Weather with its Old World furniture and paintings. 

          “Wait right here, please.”  And with that, Enda walks to the door and opens it, sticks her head out, and says something to someone outside.  Returning to Clarke, she has Clarke stand in the middle of the room, and she proceeds to measure her. All of her.  Some of it Clarke can understand, like her hips, or her bust. Others make no sense, like her forearms and how they get wider, or how far back she can put her arms behind her.  When asked, Enda simply says, “ _ Heda  _ said you need clothing.  You need regular clothing, and clothing for when you are acting as her  _ nila _ .  Sometimes they are the same, sometimes they aren’t.”

          Clarke bites her lip, unsure of herself, and then decides to ask.  “Ummm, Enda, I have a question.” Seeing Enda motion with her head to continue, Clarke asks what’s been on her mind since they left Lexa.  “You seemed kind of surprised when Lexa called me her  _ nila _ .  Am I the first that Lexa has ever had?”

             Enda shakes her head.  “No, but you are the first in a great many years.  The decision to take a  _ nila _ is not a quick one,  _ Heda _ must have been thinking of this for a while.  Now get undressed, please, and follow me.” She turns and walks out of the room, not giving Clarke the chance to protest the order.  Clarke complies, remembering the Grounder lack of nudity issues, and finds that the tub in Lexas bathroom has been filled while she was busy with Enda.  The smell of lavender is even stronger, and Clarke can see wisps of steam escaping from the tub. “Well, what are you waiting for, girl? Get in!!” Clarke didn’t even see Enda standing there next to the tub, but she moves fast.  

            Dipping her toe in with a hiss, Clarke gets in slowly, and settles down.  The water stings on her cuts, but she sighs in happiness as the warmth seeps into her body.  “Long time since a hot bath,  _ Klark _ ?”, queries Enda, her face buried in a cupboard.

           “Yea, it...it was right before.  Umm, right before we went to Mount Weather.”  Clarke looks down, remembering that night.

          “Then sit down and enjoy this one”, she says as she sprinkles some more leaves into the tub, and the scent of chamomile is added to the lavender.  Clarke leans her head back, and finds that the tub has a depression built in, one that cradles her head and lets her relax. She closes her eyes, and drifts off, the sound of Enda grinding some herbs up blending in with the birdsong.

          The feeling of a hand in her hair wakes her up, and Clarke lets out  a scream as she tries to jerk away. The hand tightens, and Clarke screams even more, trying her best to flee.  Abruptly she’s let go, and Clarke flees to the other side of the tub, turning around as she does. The splashing of water and the sight of the room reminds her of where she is.  Her heart beats in her chest like a caged bird, and tears burn her eyes and blur her vision, but don’t fall. Enda sits very still where she is, one hand holding a cloth covered in suds.  “My apologies”, Enda says in a soft tone. “It was not my intention to scare you,  _ Klark _ .  I just wanted to wash your hair well, so I could begin to color it.  I can wait, though.”

            Clarke doesn’t hear her, she’s too busy looking into the corners of the room, hoping to not see a burned face smiling at her.  When she doesn’t see anything, she relaxes slightly, focusing again on Enda. “I’m sorry, what?”, she asks, noting how her voice warbles.

            “You are safe here,  _ Klark _ ”, Enda says, putting the cloth down slowly.  “ _ Heda _ would never allow anything to happen to you, I swear it.  You don’t need to fear, there’s nobody here that will harm you.  There’s nobody there”, she adds after seeing Clarkes look into the corners of the room again.  “Now come closer, I promise to warn you from now on if I need to touch you.”

             Clarke slowly makes her way back to Enda, and lays her head back in the depression, body primed to move if needed.  Enda picks up the cloth again, and tells Clarke that she is going to wash her hair, and then color it. Enda tells Clarke to lean her head all the way back, and she picks up a small ladle, and begins to ladle hot water over Clarkes head, washing the red dye out.  Slowly, Clarkes natural blonde color shines through the red, making Enda gasp. “ _ Klark, yu gada deimeika tiya yu breidz, em ste krei meizen _ ”, she whispers.  She repeats it for Clarke, mindful of  _ Hedas  _ comment that Clarke needs to work on her  _ Trigedasleng _ .  She ladles a bit more water, and then holding the bowl of the shampoo she made, she tells Clarke that she’s going to clean her hair now.

           Clarke murmurs her assent, and she feels a cold, thick liquid being dripped into her hair.  Almost immediately she feels Endas fingers running through her hair and massaging her scalp.  All she can smell is lavender, rosemary, and chamomile. She closes her eyes and a small smile crosses her lips, and even upside down, Enda can see that it reaches Clarkes eyes and lights her face up.  “You share the same love of certain smells that  _ Heda  _ also has.  Or maybe you like them because they remind you of  _ Heda _ …”  Clarke says nothing, simply enjoying the feeling.  When the red color has faded, Enda reaches down and picks up a large pail that was sitting next to the tub.  “ _ Heda _ is lucky that I always have a large batch of this ready, because it’s not the season for some of the ingredients in this.  This needs to sit in your hair for some time, so get out of the water and put this on. But dry yourself first”, she says, tossing a cape-like cloth onto a chair by the tub.

           Clarke stands up, water sluicing off her body.  She looks down and sees herself clean, really clean, for the first time in months.  She shivers, and takes the proffered towel, rubbing briskly to dry and also to get warm.  looking down, she notices that her legs and crotch have gotten rather hairy. She asks, “Enda, do you have any razors, or blades sharp enough to shave with?  I need to shave.”

           Enda looks at her and says, “Shave what,  _ Klark _ ?  Is this some  _ Skaikru  _ custom?”, a quizzical look on her face.

           “Wait, you don’t shave your…?”  Clarke doesn’t go farther, but lifts her arms to show her armpits, then waves her hands towards the lower part of her body.  

            Enda looks at her, and then smiles.  “No, we we use wax instead. Good blades that can be made that sharp are rare, and are highly treasured.  Don’t worry, we can take care of that problem.”

            “Wax?  How does using a candle get rid of hair? You burn it off?  I’m very confused right now, Enda.” 

            “How did your people do it when you were in the sky,  _ Klark _ ?”  Enda actually looks curious, and she stops gathering brushes and small pots to look at Clarke as she speaks.

            “We had these chemicals, but they were really harsh on your skin.  And you had to use them every four months or so. But I’m guessing you don’t have them, so I’m gonna have to learn how to use wax.”  Enda nods, and tells Clarke that she’s going to learn all the skills needed. Enda points to a chair that she’s moved to the center of the room, and tells Clarke to finish drying and sit in the chair.  Clarke finishes drying off, and dons the cape, marvelling at its softness, while sitting down in the chair.

             “I’m going to color your hair,  _ Klark _ , and while the color is going into your hair, I’m going to paint some fake tattoos on your face.  Just enough that anyone who doesn’t know you well won’t even consider that you are you. Any requests? No? Lets begin.”  Enda holds up the various pots as she talks, and carries them behind Clarke, where she can hear the clink as they are put on the ground.  Enda tells Clarke that she’s going to arrange her hair, and not to be nervous, and Clarke can feel her hair getting separated, the rest pulled over her head.

                Running a wooden comb through Clarkes hair, Enda reaches into the pail, spooning a large amount of a brown substance onto the comb.  A warm, nutty smell fills the air, and Clarke sniffs the air, enjoying the new scent. ‘Never smelled THIS on the Ark’, she thinks to herself.  Enda runs the comb a few times through a section of hair, making sure that each section is fully saturated in the dye. She then coats it with another liquid, this one a clear one that runs like water and smells to Clarke like bottled leaves and wet earth.  Hair is flipped down, and the process is started again. Clarke begins to get antsy after the first few layers, and she begins to shift in the chair. This continues for two more layers, and then Enda huffs and puts the comb down. “Very well, go ahead and walk around.”, she says.  Clarke is out of the chair in a heartbeat, walking around and stretching her legs. Enda calls her back to the chair after a minute, and they continue. 

             When they are done, Enda pulls a small table over, and sets three small pots on it, and two brushes.  Clarke recognizes them as painters brushes, one wide tipped, and one small tipped. Enda steps back, and tells Clarke to look straight ahead, and close her eyes.  “I’m going to begin painting your face now,  _ Klark _ .  Don’t be alarmed.”  Clarke can hear the pots being opened, and some noise as if Enda is stirring something.  She feels something wet and cold touch her face, spreading out from the side of her nose, first in broad strokes, then in small, even strokes.  This continues for what, to Clarke, feels like hours. She holds up a hand, and Enda tells her that she can open her eyes.

             Clarke opens her eyes, looks up at Enda, and asks the question that’s been bugging her since Lexa mentioned it.  “Who is Titus, and why doesn’t Lexa want him to know I’m here?”

            “Titus is  _ Fleimkepa _ , the Keeper of the Flame.  He is the primary advisor to  _ Heda _ , and oversees the instruction of the  _ Natblida _ who will succeed  _ Heda _ .  He is the most ardent advocate and supporter of  _ Heda _ .”  Endas voice is sour when she speaks, her dislike of Titus clear.

            Clarke isn’t dissuaded, and she’s still confused.  “But that doesn’t explain anything to me.”

            Enda puts her brushes down, and sighs.  She leans against the wall, and fixes Clarke with a direct look.  “I said that he is the biggest supporter of  _ Heda _ .  I never said he supported  _ Leksa _ .  His loyalty is to whoever is  _ Heda _ , and the Flame that they bear.  When she says things like ‘Love is weakness’, you are hearing his teachings.  He would prefer that she remain a cold, emotionless tool. When  _ Leksa  _ was with  _ Kostia _ ...you could see his disapproval every time he breathed.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a hand in her death. Or rejoiced in it, at the least.  This disguise is for him, more than most.” Saying so, she pushes off the wall, and picks up the brushes again.

             “But if he’s such a shitty person, why doesn’t  _ Amin  _ just get another one?  Or get rid of them completely?”  Clarke is confused. On the Ark, if a Council member turned out to be incompetent, they were voted out of office.  Why not just get a new  _ Fleimkepa _ ? 

            “Only a  _ Natblida  _ that the Spirit chooses can be  _ Heda _ , and they require a  _ Fleimkepa  _ to give them the Flame.   _ Heda _ is  _ Heda  _ because she bears the Flame.  Without it, there can be no  _ Heda _ .   No more questions for now, I need to finish this before it dries in the pot.”  Saying so, she has Clarke close her eyes, and she begins again, but on the other side.

            When they are done, Enda brings in a small meal of fruit and cheese, and she points out various things, naming them in  _ Trigedasleng  _ for Clarke.  Enda checks Clarkes hair, and announces that it’s done.  “Time to wash this out. Here, sit over here.” She has Clarke sit on the outside of the tub, with her head in the depression that it was in before, just backwards.  She pours three or four buckets of water over Clarkes hair, using her fingers to comb through it, and muttering to herself. “Done!!”, she says. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think that this is your natural hair color.  And with the tattoo, your own mother won’t recognize you. Lets get you some underwear” Just as she finishes speaking, they hear the door open, and Lexa calling out “Enda!! I’ve returned.”

 

 

_ fisageda _ = Hospital

_ OuskejonKru _ = Blue Cliff Clan

_ Klark, yu gada deimeika tiya yu breidz, em ste krei meizen _ = Clarke, you have the sun inside your hair, it’s so beautiful.  

_ Natblida _ = Black bleeder (nightblood)


	8. A New look

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, faithful readers!! I'm so so sorry that this has taken as long as it did, work/life balance has been kicking my ass. As always, drop me a comment and let me know what you think.

         Lexa steps into her rooms, noticing the pile of clothing that is on the floor in the middle of the room.  She hears Endas voice coming from the bathroom, telling someone, probably Clarke, to get dressed. She takes another step towards the bathroom and Enda steps out, pulling the curtain closed and giving Clarke some privacy.  Stepping towards Lexa, Enda lowers her voice, and begins to speak quickly, trying to finish before Clarke can come out.

        “I’ve measured her and sent for clothing suitable for a handmaiden, the other clothing will take some time to be made.  She scares very easily,  _ Heda _ , and she is terrified that someone, or a group of someones, will harm her.  I saw that earlier today. Her battle wounds run deep, and they are not physical, but in her mind.  She is going to need a lot of reassurance that she is safe,  _ Heda.   _ To do that, she must first know that she can sleep in safety, so don’t touch her while she is sleeping.  May I ask the healers for a sleeping aid for her?”

        “Yes, of course.  I would also value your insight, Enda, should you have any.”  Lexa smiles, and says, “But she is worth it. Enda, you should have seen her; the fire in her eyes, her strength, her beauty.  Did I ever tell you that she stared me down, and demanded that I leave  _ Okteivia kom Skaikru  _ alone?  She stared ME down!!  She’s strong, Enda, so strong.  We just need to remind her of it.”  

        The curtain behind them rustles, and Clarke peeks her head out.  “Enda? Do you have any other clothing to wear?”

        “Of course there is, let me go get it.  I’ll leave you with  _ Heda. _ ”  Saying so, Enda leaves the room, taking the dirty clothing that was on the floor and closing the door behind her.

        Lexa stands there for a minute, looking at Clarke, who stands there looking at Lexa.  Finally Lexa asks, “How much of that did you hear?”

        “Besides for the part about my beauty and strength?  Not much at all.” They stand there looking at each other for another minute, and then Lexa sighs.

        “Please come out from behind the curtain, Clarke.  You look rather silly, standing there with your head out.”

         Clarke looks down.  “Well, I’m not really wearing much…”

         Lexa cuts her off.  “Consider the fact that you are my  _ nila _ , and I’m your  _ nilalouna _ .  You can consider this the first part of your training.  Now please come out from behind there so I can see you.”  A little steel creeps into Lexas voice, and Clarke looks down at the floor, and slips out from behind the curtain.  “Good, Clarke”, Lexa croons, “Come here so I can see what a magnificent job Enda did.” Clarke walks slowly to Lexa, keeping her head down.  She stops about a foot away, and stands there, arms wrapped around her stomach. “There’s nothing to be afraid of, Clarke, I’m here”, Lexa utters as she steps forward and lifts Clarkes chin with thumb and forefinger.  Blue eyes glisten and search Lexas face, finding a calm strength among the green eyes looking back at her. “Good girl. May I touch you?”, Lexa says, and waits for Clarke to nod before she takes a lock of hair in her hand.  “Enda did an amazing job, your hair is so soft. If I didn’t know any better, I would think it’s your natural color. Did you see your rooms? Did Enda explain your duties as handmaiden?”

        “Yes,  _ Amin _ , she showed them to me.  But we didn’t get up to my responsibilities yet.”  Clarkes voice is soft, and she fidgets with her hands as she stands there.

         Lexa nods, dropping the hand that was holding Clarkes hair.  “You continue to address me properly, Clarke. That’s good, I’m proud of you.  As a handmaiden, you would serve by keeping my quarters clean, my armor and weapons stored properly if I’m ever unable to attend to it myself, and…”  Lexa ponders for a minute. She looks at Clarke, and hearing the door open, she turns. “Enda, can we train Clarke first to be my body servant? This means that you would be responsible for drawing my bath, washing my hair, and ensuring that my food arrives when I need it.  It would keep you close to me, very close, and allow you to serve me directly, even in front of others.”

        Enda crosses the room to Clarke and hands her a bundle of clothes while saying, “Of course,  _ Heda _ .  We shall begin right away, with your permission.  Go get dressed, and I will begin teaching you.”

        Clarke walks into her room, and tries to puzzle out the clothing that Enda has handed her, but she’s not too sure what goes where.  There are so many straps and buckles, she’s hopelessly tangled within minutes. “Enda?”, she calls. “I need a bit of help here, please.”  Enda takes a look into the room, and begins to chuckle, while holding her hands in front of her mouth. She moves into the room, mirth in her eyes and she reaches out to help Clarke, when Lexa speaks from the doorway.  

        “I can do this, Enda.  Please let the kitchens know that I will be ready for the evening meal soon.  Oh, and make sure that you bring up enough for Clarke, and some salve for her wounds.”  Enda bows, and slips out of the room as Lexa takes her place. “How on earth did you get all tangled like this,  _ strikon _ ?”  Clarke shrugs, not quite sure herself.  She starts trying to shimmy herself out of the tangles, but it’s not working, and she’s starting to panic now.  Suddenly her hands are being held in a strong grip, and Lexa is looking directly into her eyes. “Stop moving, Clarke, and close your eyes.”

        Clarke flutters her eyes closed, and feels a wave of wellbeing and happiness that’s not entirely physical, but not entirely mental, as she hears Lexa whisper, “Thats my good girl.”  She can feel Lexa unwinding strips of cloth from her, and unhooking clasps that had gotten caught on pieces of fabric. When the last one is gone, she lower her arms and opens her eyes, reaching for the clothing.  Lexa stops her with one raised hand, and a soft touch to her hand. “I would like to do this for you, Clarke. Let me take care of you. May I?” Seeing Clarkes nod, Lexa shakes the clothing out, and takes a minute to orient it to the right side.  Stepping close to Clarke, she begins to have Clarke raise her limbs, slipping the clothing on and showing her how the straps tighten across her body. The whole time, she continually touches Clarke, small touches on her back and shoulders, grounding her.  When she finishes, she steps back, and looks at Clarke. “ _ Krei meizen, Klark. Yu ste sou krei meizen. Ai meizen gada.” _ , she whispers.  

        Clarke closes her eyes and whimpers, feeling that mixture of pleasure and happiness again.  She feels Lexa take her hand, and marvels that Lexas skin is so soft, yet she can feel the calluses from her sword practice.  Lexa asks her, “Do you trust me, Clarke?” To which Clarke nods, and whispers, “ _ Sha, Amin.” _  Lexa tugs her, and slowly leads her out into the room, and then turns her around.  “Look, Clarke. See what I see”, Lexa tells her.

        Clarke opens her eyes and gasps,  Her hair is a rich, light brown, shining with highlights, not a trace of blond root to be seen.  Even her eyebrows are the same color. She reaches up to touch her face, not believing that the girl in the mirror is her.  A stylized tattoo covers her face, evoking images of a butterfly with wings outstretched. The artist in Clarke is amazed at the artistry, but also notices that it also serves to contour her face, making it look different.  Her outfit is actually a dress that reaches to her knees, with buckles and clasps that make it fit very comfortably. Lexa stands behind her, watching her with approval in her eyes. She takes a step forward, sliding her hand to her cheek, moving the skin, seeing the ink move with her touch.  Lexa steps up behind her, and puts her hands around Clarkes waist. “Look into her eyes”, Lexa whispers. “Do you see the strength that’s there? The determination to see your people to safety, and always bear the cost yourself? That’s strength, Clarke. A butterfly has beauty and strength; it must in order to change into what it was born to be.  You’re the same, Clarke. And you both become something greater than you were before.”

        Clarke looks into Mirror-Lexas eyes.  “And what will I become?”

        Lexa turns her around before speaking one word.  “Mine.”

        Clarke opens her mouth to speak but the door opens, and Enda walks in, followed by another servant holding a tray with food.  Enda directs the servant to put the tray on the table while walking towards the couple. “Forgive me,  _ Heda _ , tomorrow I will begin instructing your new handmaiden in her responsibilities.  Eat, and I’ll be back in a little while to get the dishes. I’ve left some more salve on the table.  Would you like to bathe tonight?”

       Lexa nods.  “I will teach Aisong some of her duties myself.  You are excused for the rest of the night, Enda.”  

       Enda bows, and looks at Clarke.  “Heed  _ Heda,  _ Aisong.  You bring your  _ kru _ much honor by serving well.   _ Reshop, Heda. _ ”  She closes the door behind her as she leaves, Lexa and Clarke left alone in the room.

       “Aisong?”  Clarke queries with a confused look on her face.

       “Well, I can't go around calling you Clarke and not have someone figure out who you are.  And you  _ are _ my song.”  Lexa blushes when she says the last bit, and Clarkes heart gives a little pleased hiccup in her chest.  Lexa moves to the table, and pulls out a chair. “Please”, she utters as she waves a hand towards the seat.

       Clarke seats herself with a “thank you,  _ Amin _ ”, and watches as Lexa moves her chair from the other side of the table to right next to Clarke.  Taking one of the plates, Lexa begins to place a little bit of everything on it, then places it on front of Clarke.  “Let me know what you like, Clarke. When we are in public, as handmaiden,it is expected that you will serve me first.  As my  _ nila _ , I will serve you, but you must wait for my permission before eating.”

       Lexa serves herself, then sits down next to Clarke.  Reaching out with a fork, she spears a piece of meat, brushes it in gravy, then lifts it to Clarkes mouth.  Accepting it into her mouth, Clarke is overwhelmed with a burst of flavor and closes her eyes as a moan escapes her.  She chews and swallows, marveling at the texture of the meat, and how the gravy just makes it taste better. She opens her eyes to see Lexa looking at her, smile on her face.  “I had hoped that you would like that. Please, eat your fill.” Lexa picks up her own fork, and begins to eat, delicate little bites neatly cut from her food. Clarke is overwhelmed, each new food is a different taste; sweet, salty, something tart with a hint of bitterness, they all explode on her taste buds and leave her looking for more.

      When her plate has been cleaned twice, Lexa stands up, and beckons to her.  “Come, Clarke, let me show you how to draw me a bath.” Following Lexa into the bathroom, Clarke is amazed when Lexa simply turns a spigot, and hot water begins flowing into the tub where she had been earlier in the day.

      “Wait, you have water pumps, and water heaters?  What do you use for fuel?” Clarke can’t stop the questions from bubbling up and out, this is a level of sophistication that she hadn’t expected from Grounder civilization.

       Lexa smiles, and begins to answer Clarke while looking through the jars of herbs and flowers that Clarke saw before.  “Well, the whole top floor of my Tower is one big water basin. It collects rainwater, filters it into pipes that are full of charcoal, and then those are brought close to the heating system that powers the flame you saw atop the Tower.  It only services my floor, and the Ambassadors, because there's no way there would be enough for the whole Tower. Lower floors have to carry water up in buckets, the old fashioned way.” Finding the jar she was looking for, Lexa turns to Clarke.  “After a long day, especially meetings, I prefer this scent in the water. It helps calm me down, and eases my mind. One handful is usually enough. Smell, Clarke.” Clarke does, and immediately the smell and taste of lavender is everywhere. Sprinkling it in, Lexa turns, and holds up another jar, with a drop carved into it.  “This oil, this is what I use to relieve aches and pains after a long or hard training session. Just remember those two for now, there will be others later.” Lexa moves to the center of the room, and stops. “Clarke, help me get undressed.”

     “Wh-wait, what?”, Clarke sputters, not sure if she head correctly.  Then the realization that she’s going to be inches away from the girl that she’s been attracted to, helping her get undressed….Clarke help but blush.  

      “You’re to be my handmaiden?”  Seeing Clarke nod, Lexa smiles.  “This is one of those duties.”

       Clarke swallows, then steps towards Lexa who simply nods, and raises her arms.  She kneels down, and begins to unlace Lexas boots, pulling them off and setting them to the side.  Lexa wiggles her toes, giving a sigh of relief. Clarke moves up to the leather thigh guards, unbuckling them and setting them aside.  Lexa reaches down and massages her thighs a few times, briskly rubbing them. She gives a groan as she straightens up, then sees Clarke looking up and  giving her a quizzical look. “It’s been a long day, Clarke. I'm just happy that you and I can share it. This...this is one of my favorite times of the day.”

       “Because people stop bothering you?”

        “No, that really never ends.  And if my people needed it, I would be there in a heartbeat.  But right now, they don't. Right now is the only chance I have all day to take off  _ Heda _ , and just be  _ Leksa kom Trikru. _  It’s my time to be myself, and I’m”, Lexa looks down and blushes slightly, “I’m glad I can share this time with you, and only you.”

         Clarke stops short.  “You mean the other handmaidens or Enda don’t do this?”

        “No, Clarke. Among my people, there is no greater sign of trust and openness than to undress another.  Since  _ Kostia _ , there have been no others.  I may get help after a battle, but this….this is something special that I would only share with you.”

        Clarke stands up, mind whirling, and begins to lift Lexas shirt up, watching as Lexa lifts her arms while her eyes never leave Clarkes.  There’s an openness, a frankness that Clarke has only seen once before, right before they shared their first kiss. The shirt goes over Lexas head, obscuring her eyes for a moment, and when the shirt is off, Clarke takes a step back, looking at Lexa.  She stands there in her pants and breast binding, hair in braids, looking like a picture of an amazon warrior that Clarke once saw on an old data-tape. Thin but muscled, an impressive number of scars cover Lexas body, testament to her battles. An intricate tattoo lies on her right bicep, swirls and sinuous design drawing her eye for a moment.  Lexas arms go to her side, and she waits patiently, never taking her gaze off of Clarke. Folding the shirt as best she can and putting it on the chair behind her, she looks up at Lexa, and swallows. Rubbing her increasingly sweaty palms together, Clarke takes one end of the bindings out, and begins to wind it around Lexa, once, twice, thrice, until it falls and Clarke is left with a semi-nude Lexa.  All the moisture leaves her mouth and she forgets to take a breath as a vision of beauty, greater than any painting or sculpture, stands before her.

          The scars that litter Lexas torso only accentuate her beauty.  They are a mark that she has withstood the tests of battle and hardship, and has emerged triumphant.  Firm breasts sit high on Lexas chest, proudly capped by nipples that stand tall. After a moment of watching Clarke look at her, Lexa speaks.  “Do you like what you see,  _ niron _ ?”  When Clarke nods, Lexa shakes her head.  “Use your words, Clarke.”

         “Yes,  _ Amin _ .  I think you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”  Clarke whispers this in a rush, and is gratified to see Lexas smile.

         “ _ Mochof, niron.   _ Let’s continue, the water is going to get cold.”

          Moving forward, Clarke unbuttons the buttons that hold Lexas pants closed, and she follows the pants to the floor, pulling Lexas underwear with them.  Lexa daintily steps out of them, and Clarke looks up, and gasps. Lexas legs are also covered in scars, but her thighs are thick, covered in muscle, and hairless.  clarke follows them up to the join of her thighs, and if she wasn’t already on her knees, Clarke thinks that she would have been knocked over. Smooth skin all over, pouting lips at the join of her thighs, the hint of a bud can be seen, a musky odor, but far from unpleasant;  Clarke isn’t sure where to look first. She cam only stare, her mouth slightly open. “Am I the first woman that you’ve ever seen naked, Clarke?” Lexa asks with a touch of humor, while stepping backwards to the tub.

         Clarke has to drag her mind away from the miles of glistening muscle in front of her, and concentrates on the question.  “Other than when I studied anatomy, or helped in the Medbay, you mean? Yea, you’re the first woman I’ve ever truly seen without clothing on.”

        Lexa stops short, her face taking on a look of wonder.  Reversing course, she walks towards Clarke, and takes her hand.  “I am honored to be your first,  _ Klark _ .  I will do my best to please you, and to teach you to please me, and if you have a question, you can ask.”  Letting go, Lexa steps into the tub, and settles down, her head in the exact same space where Clarke had hers earlier.  “Shall we begin?”

  
  
  


 

 

_         Krei meizen, Klark. Yu ste sou krei meizen, ai meizen gada =  _ So beautiful, Clarke. You are so beautiful.  My beautiful girl.

_        Reshop, Heda =  _ Sleep well, Commander

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm making these chapters smaller on purpose, so that I can update more frequently. Tell me what you think!!


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